Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Christmas Wrap-Up

Christmas this year was absolutely wonderful. :) Nic and I were so excited to spend our very first Christmas together.



I guess all of our celebrating started on Christmas Adam (the 23rd, because Adam came before Eve). Which is when we did a lot of our shopping, (I know we are ridiculous at procrastinating). We also got to open one present from my mom, which was socks <3 & we got a very special package from Olivia's family in the mail that day-that we just couldn't wait to open haha :)

Christmas Eve after Nic got off work we had a family party with Nic's side of our family. We had a delicious lunch with everyone and then some of the more athletic people played volleyball. I was not one of those, as I am 7.5 months pregnant & I was in a skirt, but my husband did play and win. haha I don't think they really kept score-he's just a winner in my book. Then we did a little white-elephant gift exchange, Nic ended up with a Winger's giftcard & I got an ice-cream maker :D I am so excited to try it out. I LOVE ice-cream! Nic's mom also made us a beautiful quilt for our bed, and a gift basket of goodies, and trust me I can not get enough goodies at this point ;)
That night we went to a candlelight service at my church. We sang Christmas songs, and the pastor and his wife helped tell the story of Jesus' birth, and what it meant to the world. It was absolutely beautiful, the songs, the candles-everything. I have been stressing out lately about money, and the baby, and giving birth, and a million other things, and that night a lot was really put into perspective for me. Mary & Joseph with no help from doctors, -& in a dark, dirty, animal stable- were able to birth the Son of God...
After that we got to open our Christmas Eve Pj's :)
haha Nic trying to push his tummy out like mine.


Getting all the stockings ready.



Nic having a tickle war with my cousin. I love how good he is with kids.

Christmas morning, me and Nic were the last ones up, so everyone was waiting on us so they could open presents. But first we had to give Blue her stocking.
She's a very spoiled puppy.

She got chocolate covered milkbones, rawhide bones, and a new toy.
I loved everything that I received. My mom gave me a pair of super cute maternity jeans, that I love. I was so excited when I opened them, because just having jeans that fit was something I had really been missing. I'm sure it sounds silly, but a couple weeks ago I stood in front of our closet in tears because none of my pants fit.
My super sweet, amazing husband totally spoiled me. I didn't really give him any ideas as to what I wanted, because I just didn't know. & he got me the perfect gifts. My favorite gift from him was just a little card, it was absolutely perfect, and along with the little message he wrote inside, it made me cry. I love my husband.

BLT's for breakfast. yummm

Peanut absolutely loved his new toothbrush.




Peanut and Jade on my brother's new longboard. He was holding on tightly, and saying "Vroom" Pretty soon we'll have to buy him his own lol.

I don't know how I ended up with mostly just pics of Peanut, and no one else... it must because he is so dang cute and photogenic ;)
We seriously had such a fantastic Christmas. I can't wait to spend more with Nicholas and little our family. This was our only one with just the two of us, which is so crazy to think that next year we will have a 10 month old.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

I did it.

I did it.
For the very first time ever-I graduated.


It felt so good to finally after 14 months of working hard, to be handed that diploma and know that I am done! No more school every single night, & no more struggling while being sick and getting larger and larger. Seriously the time I spent at UCMT was life changing, I'm so grateful for all the people there who have supported me this last year.

I'm so proud of myself for sticking it out and finishing. I'm officially a college graduate-just in time for my baby to come :) I know that my education, and the education that Nic is currently receiving is going to be a huge blessing to our little family.

As my instructors were giving me hugs and 'congratulations' one of them said to me, "Wow getting married, having a baby, and becoming a bodyworker all in one little chapter of life!" It's so crazy to think of how fast life changes. It's like my mom said, "Woot!! What a year you've had and more blessings on their way! You are awesome!"

ignore how dirty our mirror is apparently. oops.
Here I am at 29 weeks and 5 days. I'm measuring a little big so we are having another ultrasound to make sure everything is okay. I'm not worried because I was a big baby, almost 10lbs, and Nic was just over 8. I also have a really long torso which can also be a factor. I'm sure our little guy is just anxious to come meet us so he's growing as fast as he can. haha. So we'll get to see him again, and hopefully we'll still be having a boy ;)

Monday, December 13, 2010

You Are Not an Accident

"You are not an accident.

Your birth was no mistake or mishap, and your life is no fluke of nature. Your parents may not have planned you, but that doesn't mean God didn't plan you. He works even through human error and failings, and he was not surprised by your birth; in fact, he expected it.

It is not fate, nor chance, nor luck, nor coincidence that you are breathing at this very moment. You are alive because God wanted to create you! The Bible says, "The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me."(Psalm 138:8)

God prescribed every single detail of your body. He deliberately chose your race, the color of your skin, your hair, and every other feature. He custom-made your body just the way he wanted it. He also determined the natural talents you would possess and the uniqueness of your personality. The Bible says, " You [God] know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something." (Psalm 139:15)

Because God made you for a reason, he also decided when you would be born and how long you would live. He planned the days of your life in advance, choosing the exact time of your birth and death. The Bible says, "You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your Book." (Psalm 139:16)

God also planned where you'd be born and where you'd live for His purpose. Your race and nationality are no accident. God left no detail to chance. He planned it all for His purpose. The Bible says, "From one man he made every nation... and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live." (Acts 17:26)

Most amazing, God decided how you be born. Regardless of the circumstances of your birth, or who your parents are, God had a plan in creating you. It doesn't matter whether your parents were good, bad, or indifferent. God knew that those two individuals possessed exactly the right genetic makeup to create the custom ''you'' he had in mind. They had the DNA God wanted to make you. While there are illegitimate parents, there are no illegitimate children. Some children may be unplanned by their parents, but they are not unplanned by God.

God's purposes take into account human mistakes, even sin. This does not mean that God causes or condones sin or evil-he does not-but it does mean God is able to redeem any and all situations and use them for his own good.

So regardless of the circumstances of your birth, you can celebrate the fact that God created you to be you. God never does anything accidentally, and he never makes mistakes. He has a reason for everything he creates. Ever plant and every animal was planned by God for a purpose, and every person was designed with a purpose in mind, too. God's motive for creating you is his love. The Bible says, "Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love." (Ephesians 1:4)"

-Excerpt from 'The Purpose-Driven Life'

Sunday, December 5, 2010

baby update

So I am officially 28 weeks (AKA 7 months). 3rd trimester.
It's still so weird to me to think that I actually am having a baby. But in 12 weeks (or less) I will be holding my son.

I had a dr. appointment on Friday. I got tested for gestational diabetes and also anemia. My glucose levels were good, which means no diabetes! I'm thrilled! No 12 pound baby for me. The drink was awful, almost like cough syrup that wasn't as thick or medicated. I'm so proud of myself for keeping it down haha. My iron levels were a little low though, (normal-37-47 me-35.5) They just told me to make sure I keep up on my prenatal vitamins and to eat more iron rich foods. I'm actually not surprised because not only have I been craving ice like mad woman the last few weeks, I also have times of randomly being out of breath and having heart palpitations. But they will check my levels again when I go back in 2 weeks and if everything isn't better they'll put me on a supplement.

Our baby Asher is dancing, kicking machine, but only for me and Nic. Almost every time someone else tries to feel him he refuses to move, I just think he's shy. He seems to really like music, like when we are at church and I'm singing along with everyone he will start wiggling like crazy! & it's very obvious that he know his daddy already. The other night I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep and Nic came over and started rubbing my belly, almost immediately Asher woke up and was kicking all over the place. Nic loved it.
Another funny story is the other day I was laying in bed reading, and Nic came in and looked at my tummy which was ridiculously lop-sided. He laughed a little and came over to 'help' coax baby to a more relaxed position but as soon as he let go baby pushed back even harder. We both just started laughing, my left side was soft & squishy and my right was hard and full of baby. It was seriously so weird! But I think that is Nic's new favorite game, he pushes on baby trying to feel him and now Asher will push back. & just sit there and laugh basically.

I really feel like we don't know the first thing about being parents. Which is an exaggeration, obviously. We at least know the basics feeding, changing, holding, how to love, etc.. But there's more to being a parent... I obviously can't say what it is because I haven't experienced it yet. I've been reading this book lately that is helping me prepare for the decisions we will need to make for Asher. & I think it's helping, but at the same time how do you really prepare to be a parent? Does anyone ever feel ready? I mean almost 4 months ago neither of us knew how to be married, and we're doing a pretty dang good job at it, so we'll be okay. Plus we have an awesome support system with both of our families. I just get worried sometimes that we will mess him up, but Nic has assured me that we won't. haha.
I mean what's the worse that can happen?

Monday, November 29, 2010

Last weekend I went to Page, Arizona (my dad's hometown) for the funeral of my great-grandmother. I really wasn't sad about her passing, part of that is because I was never really close with her. But mainly it's because I know it was her time. She was 93 years old with multiple health issues including cancer and in October she had 2 strokes. I actually smiled when I first heard she had passed, because she had a strong relationship with the Lord, & I knew at that time she was in heaven with Jesus face to face.
I'm really glad I was able to go down and spend that little bit of time with my extended family, none of them have seen me pregnant and so that was a lot of fun. Nic had to work so he stayed home and I missed him more than I ever thought I would. Spending those two nights alone... no fun.

While we were down there I got to meet some of the extended family on my grandpa's side. (After 21 years and going to the town that they lived at least once a year my entire life) Apparently there's a lot of estranged relationships, and hard feelings between people. But, in all of that I was able to see the ways that history is repeating itself. People who can't move on from the things of the past, or from who hurt them when they when were young. and people refusing to take responsibility for their own actions. It just felt like 'no wonder your kids are how they are, they learned it from you, & you learned it from...' it could probably continue onward. I very much was able to see how I don't want to take on my future. Don't get me wrong I saw wonderful examples of love, and beauty but sometimes it's easier to focus on the negative things so I can avoid them.
I found out that my grandpa is also allergic to sulfur, they gave him medicine with it in it when he was a baby and he almost died. I just get terribly itchy all over (on the inside), and one time I got a really bad fever. It was nice to know that it came from somewhere and also so I know to be careful and make sure the doctors know not to give it to Asher, (just in case).

Pretty much the highlight of my trip was Kieran. I can't even tell you how much I love that kid. He was 5 last year when I was his nanny for the summer, and he made me laugh all the time with all his crazy questions and comments. & He was the ringbearer for our wedding.


When we were at the dinner the first night someone mentioned that I was pregnant, and oh my goodness the stuff that started coming out of this kid's mouth. First he told me he didn't think I was actually pregnant, I was just fat. [yeah thanks] but then he did 'eenie-meenie-mynie-moe- and decided I was pregnant. To which is said, "If I ever got pregnant, I wouldn't want to be... I mean if I magically became a girl first." Then he started asking me all sorts of questions.
K: wouldn't it be crazy if you had a boy?
Me: I am having a boy.
K: are you sure? have you seen the baby?
Me: Yeah they have a camera that can in my tummy so we saw him.
K: Did it have a diaper on?
Me: Nope.
K: It was just NAKED?!?
Me: haha.. yeah.
K: ew... did you see his... thing?
Me: Yeah, that's how we knew it was a boy.
He seemed really disturbed by all of that. He kept asking me questions about how I knew the food I was eating was food the baby would like, and he told me I shouldn't eat chips and salsa cuz the baby would choke on the chips and salsa would burn his mouth. After we were done eating he looked at my nearly empty plate, and very loudly said, "You ate all that?!? You're gonna kill the baby! He won't have any room!" [once again thank you] I just told that it's the baby that makes me eat so much. ;)
We got in the car and were driving to our hotel and he starts asking, "So what exactly is a Navajo?" (Page is right by the Navajo reservation) his brother told him it was just a kind of indian. To which he asked, "So why do eat Navajo tacos??" I couldn't stop laughing, at least he's not a fan of canibilism.
He then looked at me and asked, "Wouldn't it be weird if you got pregnant the day after your wedding? & where is your husband anyway?" So then when we were at the luncheon after the funeral the next day, he just looked at me and said, "I wouldn't want to get pregnant the day after my wedding... that would be too weird."
Later that day we were in the hotel room and I was eating a banana, and he started again, "Why do you peel the whole banana? Why do you do that? Why do you have to eat the banana like that? & Why do you have an earring in your nose?!?" His mom told him to stop asking so many questions, and he said, "okay just one important one, why do you have an earring in your nose?" I couldn't even answer I was laughing so hard.
Seriously this kid makes my day. I'm sure there were many more hilarious things he said... I just can't think of them right now.

It was a fun, short trip but I was so happy to get home and hug my husband!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thankful

I feel like I have so much to be thankful for this year. Yes we have our stress and challenges, but we have been soo blessed : )
I just think back to where I was last year... ugh I'm thankful to just be in a new stage of life.


17 weeks

I'm super thankful for my slowly-growing tummy. It may not have been in our plans to have a baby this soon, but God knew that this is the right time for our little Asher to join our family. I'm so thankful for this opportunity to be pregnant, and be a mommy. I'm scared, nervous, and sometimes I complain to Nic about feeling fat, sick, or tired. But I don't, not even for one minute take any of this for granted. I know many beautiful wonderful women who are not able to conceive and carry a baby, and for all we knew I was going to have similar struggles. So even though this baby makes me sick & weak and sometimes it feels impossible to get comfortable, I know that in a few months it will all be more than worth it. & then when being a mommy is rough, when I'm not sleeping, and I have no free-time, I won't take any of that for granted. I have Nic right beside me whenever things get rough, reminding me of how much of a blessing our baby truly is.

26 weeks
I'm thankful for all the wonderful people in my life who I love, and that love me back.

& I have more gratitude then I could ever express for having a God who brings beauty from ashes, and restores broken lives.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Mama's Song

Mama's Song-Carrie Underwood

"Mama you taught me to do the right things
So now you have to let your baby fly
You've given me everything that I will need
To make it through this crazy thing called life
And I know you watch me grow up and always want whats best for me
And I think I found the answer to your prayers


And he is good, so good

He treats your little girl like a real man should
He is good, so good, he makes promises he keeps
No he's never gonna leave
So don't you worry about me
Don't you worry about me


Mama there's no way you'll ever lose me
And giving me away is not goodbye
As you watch me walk down to my future, I hope tears of joy are in your eyes


And he is good, so good
He treats your little girl like a real man should
He is good, so good, he makes promises he keeps
No he's never gonna leave
So don't you worry about me
Don't you worry about me"




Ps. It's 100 days to my due date. So realisticlly in 100 days I will probably have a real baby. I'm kind of freaking out. I'm gonna be a mommy...

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Happy Little King

“I am happy, for the daughters will call me blessed.” So she called his name Asher. Genesis 30:13
Asher = Happy

Nicholas Ryan.
Ryan = Little King

Here I am at the ultrasound. Feeling absolutely terrified.

Asher Ryan.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

You Are More Than A Broken Girl

The past couple weeks have been weird... All this stuff has happened that seems like in any other relationship we would be fighting, and really upset at each other. But me and Nic have just had some really good sessions of growing even closer. We aren't taking out our frustrations or insecurities on each other, we are definitely learning the importance of effective communicating.
I've been trying to deal with things privately. Things that are from my past starting when I was just kid, that I have continued to let haunt me. Nic knows these things, but he didn't know that it was weighing so heavily on me. He knew something needed to escape, and somehow he knows all the right words to make me let it all out. We talked about forgiveness, and how stuff happens that isn't our fault and it will affect us for a long time.

There's two songs that are really speaking to me right now... as far as all this goes.


I'll be honest. I can't remember a time in my life where I didn't feel like a broken girl, completely messed up to a point that was unfixable. But I was scared-I never told anyone about the pain, the addictions, or anything else that led me to feel that way. I decided I would rather just hide it, and deal with it on my own then have to face these things. After all what I saw growing up in 'Happy-Valley' was that nobody had issues, trials, or demons they were battling... and if they did it was because of something they did wrong.
So for years every other hurt that came along got shoved into the same hole. I just tried to hide it and lie so I could live up to who I was supposed to be. In junior high and high school all the sudden there was something "cool" with being a little different, a little rebellious. & all these little rebellious acts led me to situations that quickly became out of my control, I could never say no, and so I was continuing to feel more and more broken. I would sometimes find this false sense of healing and let the damage continue.
I have felt damaged, broken, & worthless. I felt like no one would ever really love me. I have let the enemy make me feel this way, I've listened to the lies he would put in my heart.

Look what he’s done to you it isn’t fair
Your light was bright and new
But he didn’t care, he took the heart of a little girl
And made it grow up too fast

Now words like innocence don’t mean a thing
You hear the music play, but you can’t sing
Those pictures in your mind, keep you locked up inside your past

This is a song for the broken girl
The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world
You are
Hear me when I say
You’re not the worthless they made you feel
There is a Love they can never steal away
And you don’t have to stay the broken girl

Those damaged goods you see in your reflection
Love sees them differently, Love sees perfection
A beautiful display of healing on the way tonight

Look what he’s done to you it isn’t fair
Your light was bright and new
But he didn’t care, he took the heart of a little girl
And made it grow up too fast


Now words like innocence don’t mean a thing
You hear the music play, but you can’t sing
Those pictures in your mind, keep you locked up inside your past


This is a song for the broken girl
The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world
You are
Hear me when I say
You’re not the worthless they made you feel
There is a Love they can never steal away
And you don’t have to stay the broken girl
, girl

Let your tears touch the ground, lay all your shattered pieces down
And be amazed by how Grace can take a broken girl and put her back together again
 
This is a song for the broken girl
The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world
You are
Hear me when I say
You’re not the worthless they made you feel
There is a Love they can never steal away
And you don’t have to stay the broken girl

I actually heard that song first. I cried and cried and downloaded it on my phone so I could cry more. It was a good cry, a release, a step in healing. Then a few days later I heard You Are More, it added the perfect touch to my story.
I relate to this song much more presently than I do the other one. It reminds me of where I was when I met Nic. It's a place that I think a lot of people have been, a place that I tend to get stuck... But it also reminds me about where we are now. Me and Nic. Because of the love of Christ we are totally different than who we were and we shouldn't be getting stuck where we have been.. Nic is such a huge support to me.  He knows what to say even when I can't say whats really bothering me deep down. "Jordyn, you know that you have been forgiven right? You can't hold on to the things you blame yourself for, you need to forgive yourself too."

There's a girl in the corner with tear stains on her eyes,
From the places she's wandered and the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear that I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are,

What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade


Well she tries to believe it
that she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling that it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers
 
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?


You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,

But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,

But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade


Both of these songs just speak to this part of my soul, the part that needed to hear these words the past two weeks. The part that is still healing... it's a work in a progress, and sometimes it's an emotional one. & I don't mind crying-haha.



"I will love you for you.
Not for what you have done or what you will become."

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Happy Birthday Peanut!

My awesome nephew Owen, (Peanut), turns ONE today!!

Wow... Seriously? It's been a whole year since I first held that little guy in my arms?


I'll be honest when I found out I was pregnant I kind of wanted a girl, (mostly so I could be the one to have the first grandaughter). But the last little while me and Nic have been watching Peanut a few days every week, and let me just say I am stoked to have a boy! Seriously if our little baby is half as neat as Peanut, (which he will be-obviously), I'm in for a ride and a treat for the next... oh... 18+ years haha.

So what is it that makes Peanut so awesome? (or as the Jackson's & Farish's would say, Why do I love Peanut?)

Once he had a mustache:

His first word was 'truck' followed closely by 'kitty':


He gives me lots of love & big kisses:


He falls sleep for Nic-ALWAYS, and never for me:


Here's some pics of the big party!






Peanut is such a fun kid. If anyone is laughing he will start laughing too likes its the funniest thing he has ever heard. He's constantly babbling, screeching, or laughing-noisy, noisy baby. I know everyone is anxious for him to start walking but when I sit on the floor across the room from him, and he starts crawling as fast as he can and almost panting like a little puppy, I just think of how much I will miss these moments. He's only going to be little for so long. & he's already 1!
Our little baby will be Peanut's only cousin. Those two boys are going to gets in all sorts of mischief together, and Peanut is going to be quite the little ring-leader I can tell already. haha

I love this little nut and I'm so excited to see him grow up. I know someday he'll be too old and too cool to give me big kisses and let me tickle his feet, so I'm just enjoying all these fun times we have now :-)


I have quite a few really cool posts coming up they are all in the process of being written. I have other people helping me out with a few of them, and I think it's gonna be really cool. So stay tuned!!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Z-Zebra

For Halloween this year me and Nic are being a Zebra and a Lion-masquerade style. :)

This dress totally accentuates my baby bump. haha it looked much different pre-pregnancy.

We've already been to two Halloween parties this year one with my family, and one with his. So far our costumes have been a hit!

Peanut! We were both tired.

That's my brother on the right....


Nic's tail :)
He's trying to eat me.

We are helping out at the Halloween party for our church this Sunday. Nic is helping the kids with an obstacle course, and I am making balloon animals. Yeah there's a hidden talent of mine, Nic didn't even know I could make them until he saw that's what I was assigned. I haven't done it in awhile so I think I'll be getting some balloons to practice with. I'll post some pics so you can see my awesome skills! haha.

This concludes my alphabet series. yay! Haha it was fun, but I'm glad to be done. It'll be less stressful now ;) OH and I didn't forgot about L... I just lost my motivation. My favorite L word is "love" so just read this post. Yes, total cop-out. I don't care.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Y-You

You have completely changed my life...

You've shown me that 'I do' means forever, & that is okay to be silly sometimes & emotional (pretty much all the time.)


You've shown me true friendship. You've loved me unconditionally through thick and thin for the past 12 years.


You've shown me that even at our worst times, there's still time to be a best friend. You helped me make through the past 12 years, and the future is going to be even more incredible.


You've helped me see that when you leave past behind & grow up, somethings and some people become part of the future as well.


You made it so I wasn't alone. You made it so I wasn't the only girl, and I had little ninnies looking up to me.


I'm so happy to have you & your brother as my new cousins. Your parents waited a long time for you guys & your adoption really has been a blessing in my life, you two have such sweet spirits.


You made me want to have kids, if its possible to have one as awesome as you or your siblings then sign me up. You are smart and creative and taught me so much.


You saw my heart, and told me things about myself I didn't even know.



You've shown me a family that is absolutely full of love. That there will be trials, but there's always time to just have fun, dance, and love.


You showed me that babies really aren't all that scary, or fragile. You've helped me feel more confident and comfortable around tiny humans. You make me smile with all your silly faces and giggles.


You showed me what it was like to really love. You remind me daily to just be happy with this wonderful life we have. You make me laugh and I always feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

For this and much much more I love you! Thank you for all the joy you bring to my life.