I had a really awesome Sunday a couple days ago.
It all started while I was at work. I felt... off... I knew something wasn't right. So in a moment of inspiration I decided to fast, and keep a prayer in my heart. I was praying for clear answers and direction, & boy did I get some!
On the way home the Lord sent me a very clear message. I realized my problem was that I had been trying to take control out of the Lord's hands and put it in my own. Control for not only my life, but also those of some wonderful people I know & love. I just had convinced myself I knew what was the best for everyone and if they would just listen to ME I could fix all their/our problems super easy!
Of course I was wrong... dead wrong!! I don't know what's best for ANYONE! I have a hard enough time just trying to decide what I'd like to eat most times.
I realized my prayers were less about seeking God's heart, and asking Him to guide me & my friends, I was praying with the intentions of Him submitting to my will not vice versa. It was a very painful realization, I began to wonder what I had missed out on from the Lord. But, through more quiet prayer He calmed all my worries. But, I was left with this feeling of, "what now?" I knew I had been making wrong choices but I didn't know how to make things right...
Was He going to forgive me for being so incredibly dumb? Well of course! I didn't doubt that... I was doubting myself and my change of heart.
I was too exhausted from the day before/work to go to church in the morning, but I made it to a worship/baptism meeting later that evening. & oh what a blessing that was! My dear friend Cassie was baptized, which was beautiful to see.
At the end of the service Joe went to the front and asked anyone who either needed to make a first time commitment or would like to make a recommitment, he said something like, "if you feel you've been far from God, if you want to set things right... stand up" I quickly stood up with tears of joy because I knew that was completely an answer to my prayers. I knew He had already forgiven me, and I knew that even though I had felt like I 'needed' to be in control, that now I know I would have joy from not being in control, or rather 'trying' to be in control.
If feels so good to just... let... it.... go....
Then sings my soul,
My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!