Saturday, August 28, 2010

.

You know me.
I know you.
& maybe that's it.

They may say you're a jerk & that I'm psychotic.
I'm clingy & you abandon.
Maybe they're right-
maybe we don't know what we've got ourselves into.
Maybe they're wrong-
maybe we know full well where we going.

(We're going to get what we've got coming...
All things working together for good.)

We decided to escape & now we wear a target on our back.
But we'll never turn back.
We'll receive blessings beyond measure.

A simple choice led us to each other,
Simple choices led us to God,
& a simple choice brought us a baby.

Our baby. Our blessing.

Ps. They're wrong, & we know it.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Happy Happy Birthdays!

When I was about 2 or 3 I watched a lot of Barney. I loved it most of the time... there were these two sisters and they had a sister song, and every time they would sing it I would cry and cry. I didn't have a sister :(

Here's the video it's BJ and Babybop cuz I couldn't find I good enough quality one with the sisters singing.



Of course it broke my parents hearts to see me so sad like that... and pretty soon they told me I was going to have either a little sister, or another little brother. I already had two brothers! I didn't need anymore I needed a sister... But I told them that if it was a boy they had to name him Vince, and if it was a girl they had to her Reba. (The heart won't lie was my favorite song at the time) My parents weren't really keen on either of those ideas so they kept pushing for other names, and when it was a known fact I was going to have a sister, they asked me how I felt about Raegyn. They said, "It kind of sounds like Reba, and it starts with an R" I wasn't sure if that was good enough... so they told me they were making her middle name Brooke.. like Garth Brooks! haha I was beyond thrilled!
In reality my parents would have probably named her Raegyn Brook regardless of what I thought, but they've always been very good at making me feel like I get exactly what I want. (& I'm very glad now I don't have a sister named Reba)

So on 8/25/93 my brand new baby sister was born!

We've been pretty close ever since. Of course there are those times where we probably really did almost hate each other... but for the most part, (especially after we got our own rooms), we have been like best friends :)

I Love you Raegybaby! Happy 17th Birthday! Thank You for being my Maid of Honor!
Yesterday was another very special birthday. It would have been my grandma's 66th. I can't believe she died when she was only 54... I remember thinking back then that she wasn't very young, 54 is old! But now I realize I have friends who parents are that age or older, & they are still so full of life I would never call them old.
I miss her everyday and all the unconditional love she showed me, and really everyone around her.
Unfortunately our scanner is broken right now so I can't upload any pics of her. But I'm very proud to call her grandma, and I can only hope to half the woman she was.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

True Love

I'm upset I had a few super cute pics ready to add to this... but I can't seem to find my camera cord. Ugh! Hopefully I find it soon.... anyway...

I've been so blessed to have a wonderful example of a loving marriage my whole life.
My parents didn't meet under the most 'ideal' circumstances. See my mom was pregnant when they met, and the sperm donor just wanted her to get an abortion. My dad talked her out of it as they began dating. & on November 12 1986 when my mom was just 17 years old my brother Collin was born. Then on August 22 1987 my parents were married. That was 23 years ago, they were 20 & 18... and to this day they are happily married.

There's been rough times and wonderful times, and through it all they never gave up. They both have worked their butts off to have a successful marriage, and to give us kids all that they could. I seriously look up to them both and their marriage so much. I know that as me and Nic begin to start our new life we are going to run into many challenges, but because of my parents awesome example I know we will be able to make it through.

My parents are both so insane and hilarious. It's funny when I think about a lot of quirks and then I realize how many of them I now have too. Like my mom and her 'crazy cat lady' tendencies, we have 3 cats that have their own album on her facebook. I do the same thing with my puppy Blue-I treat her like she is my baby, and even as a 85lb pitador she is still treated like a lap-dog. & my dad's phone skill awkardness, I totally have that. I hate talking on the phone unless I have to. When I have to I can turn on the professionalism and do really well, but if I don't have to/want to then it's pretty much gonna be terrible if you're on the other side of the phone.

We were walking into the store and my mom didn't want to walk in the slushy snow so my dad carried her. :)


So I guess all I'm really trying to say is, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD! 23 YEARS!
Here's to 23 more! (at least ;) )

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Crazy Crazy

6 months ago today I met Nic.
This has been some of craziest most wonderful 6 months of my life! I can't believe that in such a short amount of time we met, fell in love, & got married. In the midst of it just getting to know each other more and more.



He is one of the most genuinely caring people I have ever met. He treats me like a queen... but doesn't let me get away with sometimes ridiculous and spoiled tendencies (most of the time. haha) He's super sweet and a total romantic. & best of all He's MINE :)
I feel like I really have known him forever-I've just been waiting for him to come along, & now that he's here I can't believe I went so long without him.

I love love love everything about you my Nicholas! (except for maybe all the tickling...ha.)

6 days, then 6 weeks, now 6 months, pretty soon 6 years, and someday 60 years! I can't wait!
So here's to the next 6 months being even better than the first.

Oh yeah I have a couple pics of me from the wedding and they are so beautiful! I'm so excited to see the rest!

Monday, August 16, 2010

mr&mrs

On August 10th 2010 I had the pleasure of marrying my best friend!
It was absolutely perfect!
I don't have the pics from our photographer yet, just a few from family and friends. So I'll make a real post about it later when I have time. :)


He is mine forever! Yes, I am a very lucky girl!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

the present is a gift.

The past. I gotta get over the past.

Everyone says they live with no regrets, but I don't know if I believe that. We all have something we wish we had never said, or done. Sure you can argue that everything happens for a reason and without each thing happening you wouldn't be in the same position you are in now. & I agree with that, I know that everything happens for a specific reason, no matter how bad it may seem. There's a plan, and where we are today is where we are supposed to be. But there's gotta be something you look back on, and wondering what on earth was I thinking? Like the words you speak out of anger to someone you really care about, or on the flip side the words you speak out of lust to someone who you don't. Or the dumb things we do when we're young, insecure, and wanna fit in.

I have instances in my life that fit into all those categories.

Don't get me wrong-I LOVE where and who I am today. I'm not perfect, and neither is my life-but I'm very happy and excited to see where my future leads.

BUT-I still have those time when I look at Nic, and I just wish that we could have gotten to where we are on a different path.
I wish I wouldn't have willingly put myself through so much heartache for someone that I really thought I loved, and that I was going to be with forever. I may have at point really loved him but only as much as I was able. (stole that from Nic) I was 18 & insecure, I wanted to feel loved I wanted him to fill the void that quickly consuming my entire life. But he couldn't and so I wasn't really happy, he wasn't really happy so we broke up. & what really should have been the end was the beginning-beginning to lies, manipulation, & games. All the while I'm trying to hold on to the love-when really there was so much hate. Luckily there was a real end eventually, but when I think about how much time, and emotion I wasted on that relationship-not even close to worth it.
I really wish that on our wedding night we would both be able to experience this whole magic moment, that is sex-for our first time. I wish we would have waited. I hate the thought of him being with someone else, yes I'm a little jealous, but I also hate that I have been with someone else too. It sucks that we took something so special and sacred, and turned it into something so degrading. & when you're sleeping with someone you trick yourself into feelings things you don't really feel-because in some way it will make it okay if you ''love'' that person. Ugh... so gross.

But I guess I need to realize the past is the past, I can't change it. & I know that as a Christian I need to live in the present happily expectant on the future. It's just hard sometimes... probably because I'm a crazy person. I was actually talking to Nic about this last night, I was crying and telling him how sad it all made me, and he just said "It's all worth it to me." Can I just say I love him? He's the little optimistic sunshine in my pessimistic storm cloud.

& I know that God can bring, 'beauty from ashes' (Isaiah 61:3) The ashes are the sins, the mistakes, essentially everything that is just worthless... and in exchange for that beauty-more beauty then we can even imagine.
Like that relationship I was in was total ashes, and when I finally gave it over to God, He did an amazing work and brought in a completely different relationship for my life. One that is full of love, understanding, and most importantly the Lord. I first and foremost have my relationship with the Lord, and then I have my relationship with Nic-the two are separate but very closely related at the same time.
& as far as the whole sex before marriage thing-God has shown me the beauty of true repentance, and that no matter how far I feel like I have gone He's still right there waiting for me to come back. & of course there's Olivia. So many people have blessed and lives changed-just by her very existence that no one could say she is a mistake. She is absolutely a gift of true beauty straight from God.

See all I have to do is remember... that's my biggest problem I get stuck in the past, (for no reason really). When I just need to focus on my present, and future. It's all gotta be uphill from some of the places that I have been-& all those places were learning experiences. I have to remember that. Stop focusing on the mistakes, and remember the blessings... all the MANY blessings.

Well... this was all personal and all over the place-Thank you for bearing with me through all that :)

Ps. I'm getting married in less than 2 days!!