I don't remember ever thinking about growing up and having a family when I was a little girl. I didn't play with baby dolls, I played with Barbies-Barbies who had boyfriends and went to prom, all the fun high school stuff-that was the only growing up I was planning on.
Sometime in my teen years I decided I was never having kids. I would maybe get married... when I was at least 30, and we would just enjoy each other-sans spawn.
I eventually started dating someone who very much wanted children. So I reluctantly agreed that if we ever got to that point I would adopt children and raise them... but I wouldn't birth them. He didn't like that. The entire time we were together-even though I really thought I was in love with him, I never wanted to have children with him. We broke up after close to a year, & we were doing the "just friends" thing (HA!)... and a few weeks later I had a positive pregnancy test. I had to decide what I was going to do with this baby. I told him, and he told me he'd support any decision I made, but he wasn't ready for a baby, and that abortion might be the best option. I disagreed and decided that I was going to carry the baby full-term, and but I had to decide whether keep it or place it for adoption... But neither of those things were in the plan for me. When I was only 7 weeks-ish along I miscarried.
After that things were starting to get put into perspective. Me actually having children became more of a reality. I came to the conclusion that if I was ever able to I would love to have children, either by adoption or birth... eventually someday when I was ready.
When I met Nic he already had a daughter, that had been adopted. As we started getting more serious we realized we both loved idea of having both biological and adopted children to call our own... eventually someday when we were ready. By the time we got engaged we had already started talking about baby names. Nic was pretty much excited and ready to start having kids as soon as we were married, I on the hand wasn't sure, when or if I would ever be ready. We decided to wait till we had been married for a year and then start trying...
Father's Day this year I took a test and was able to tell Nic that we were having a baby. He was instantly excited, sure he has times where he gets nervous, but he has such awesome faith that if God gave us this baby He'll give us the provision we need. It took me a little while to get excited because I was nervous, nervous for the health of the baby, and whether or not I was going to be capable of being a good mother. I was scared of miscarrying among other things...
But here I am now at 15 weeks, and I am super excited to have a little baby to call my own. A few days ago we were able to hear the heartbeat, and it made me scared to think of the little miracle I'm responsible for. I'm very thankful for this opportunity to be pregnant, and to have a baby with such an incredible man.
Nic is seriously so good with kids, they just respond so positively to them, and he love love loves kids! Our due date is 2/26 which is one year to the day that we started dating, I'd love for it to be born on 2/19, one year after we met... haha it's so crazy, and this might not be what we were planning but God has bigger and better plans for us :)
In a few weeks, (10/5) we have an ultrasound and hopefully we'll get to find out the sex of our baby :D Sooo Exciting!!
Whether it's a boy or girl, I know it's going to be super adorable! I mean look at Owen and Olivia: