Wednesday, September 15, 2010

G-Goodbye

"Don't like good-byes, tears or sighs
I'm not too good at leaving time"


I don't like goodbyes, I don't even like see-ya-laters, whether spoken or otherwise. I guess I just don't the uncertainty that comes with goodbyes. The letting go of that person for at least some period of time...

I remember one time leaving my grandma's house & I was staring out the back window just wishing we could stay there longer. I was trying not to be sad, but as we started driving past Lake Powell, and I saw that 'Welcome to Utah' sign, I couldn't help but start crying. It had only been a little while but I knew I missed her so much already.

Since I do have such a hard times with goodbyes when the time comes I tend to be super awkward. When it comes down to the hugging and 'I'll miss you's, I just try to distance myself. I'd rather avoid the whole situation than open myself up to being vulnerable and emotional. So as people are trying to hug me and tell me how much they love me, I just give them half-hugs and respond with ''uh-huh... yeah'' I just don't want them to see me sad... I feel silly breaking down into tears even if we have plans to see each other in a few short months. And as soon as its all over and we're separated I begin to regret the crappy job I just did at telling them good bye. I wish I would just man-up tell people I love them, I'll miss them & I can't wait to see them again...

I want to apologize to everyone who has had to experience my awkward hate of saying goodbye, I promise to do better and let myself be silly & emotional-because really that's just who I am.

I miss you Baltunis', Grandma, Alexis, K-la, Nona, DVB&O Jackson... to name just a few.

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