Thursday, October 28, 2010


For Halloween this year me and Nic are being a Zebra and a Lion-masquerade style. :)

This dress totally accentuates my baby bump. haha it looked much different pre-pregnancy.

We've already been to two Halloween parties this year one with my family, and one with his. So far our costumes have been a hit!

Peanut! We were both tired.

That's my brother on the right....

Nic's tail :)
He's trying to eat me.

We are helping out at the Halloween party for our church this Sunday. Nic is helping the kids with an obstacle course, and I am making balloon animals. Yeah there's a hidden talent of mine, Nic didn't even know I could make them until he saw that's what I was assigned. I haven't done it in awhile so I think I'll be getting some balloons to practice with. I'll post some pics so you can see my awesome skills! haha.

This concludes my alphabet series. yay! Haha it was fun, but I'm glad to be done. It'll be less stressful now ;) OH and I didn't forgot about L... I just lost my motivation. My favorite L word is "love" so just read this post. Yes, total cop-out. I don't care.

Monday, October 25, 2010


You have completely changed my life...

You've shown me that 'I do' means forever, & that is okay to be silly sometimes & emotional (pretty much all the time.)

You've shown me true friendship. You've loved me unconditionally through thick and thin for the past 12 years.

You've shown me that even at our worst times, there's still time to be a best friend. You helped me make through the past 12 years, and the future is going to be even more incredible.

You've helped me see that when you leave past behind & grow up, somethings and some people become part of the future as well.

You made it so I wasn't alone. You made it so I wasn't the only girl, and I had little ninnies looking up to me.

I'm so happy to have you & your brother as my new cousins. Your parents waited a long time for you guys & your adoption really has been a blessing in my life, you two have such sweet spirits.

You made me want to have kids, if its possible to have one as awesome as you or your siblings then sign me up. You are smart and creative and taught me so much.

You saw my heart, and told me things about myself I didn't even know.

You've shown me a family that is absolutely full of love. That there will be trials, but there's always time to just have fun, dance, and love.

You showed me that babies really aren't all that scary, or fragile. You've helped me feel more confident and comfortable around tiny humans. You make me smile with all your silly faces and giggles.

You showed me what it was like to really love. You remind me daily to just be happy with this wonderful life we have. You make me laugh and I always feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

For this and much much more I love you! Thank you for all the joy you bring to my life.

Saturday, October 23, 2010


**Disclaimer: This post is pointless.**

X is a hard letter.... so here's a video. Hope it brightens your day. :)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


I was texting Nic the other day while he was at work, I was at home alone-doing laundry, and thinking. Which isn't always such a good thing for me, I'm one of those people who gets stuck in their head, I can run circles around myself with all the what-if's and such that seem to appear. I began to make myself so anxious I just stopped what I was doing and all I could do was cry, (this may also be due the crazy-prego-hormones I've got right now). I told Nic I was worried about baby. Not about his health, or the things I usually worried about-but his future. I didn't want him to grow up, and have to deal with being a teenager. There's sex, drugs, drama, and so much potential hurt-that I just don't have him to ever have to deal with. Nic and I each had pretty rough years, some of that was due to our choices, some was because of the choices that other people made and we had to deal with, and some of it was nobodies choice really it was just the way that life goes. He texted me back: "We can just do our best." & somehow that little bit reassured me a ton. I actually started laughing at myself and told him I felt silly & that I shouldn't be so crazy emotional and irrational. He just told me that technically (& hormonally) I should be.

I've always told everyone that I wasn't born with this maternal-instinct that women are supposed to have. & I'll be honest- I still don't think I have it. I have more of this 'irrational-worrier' thing, and that's where Nic steps in, he's much more logical, and has an easier time seeing the big-picture for the both of us, especially when I get stuck. Which is why I think we'll be alright, and that baby will turn out alright. I mean God wouldn't have given us this baby if He didn't know that we could handle it.

I heard this song in the car today, & I love it!
Anything Like Me - Brad Paisley

I remember sayin' I don't care either way
Just as long as he or she is healthy I'm okay
Then the doctor pointed to the corner of the screen
And said, "You see that thing right there, well you know what that means"
I started wondering who he was going to be
And I thought heaven help us if he's anything like me

He'll probably climb a tree too tall and ride his bike too fast
End up every summer wearin' something in a cast
He's gonna throw a ball and break some glass in a window down the street
[This part totally sounds Nic, he was always breaking some bone and getting hurt till he was on first-name basis with ER nurses at the hospital]

He's gonna get in trouble, oh he's gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback if he's anything like me
[I was never a fighter, and I know most of the fights Nic got in he was defending a girl, so I'd be okay with that.]

I can see him right now, knees all skinned up
With a magnifying glass tryin' to melt the Tonka truck
Won't he be a sight with his [lacrosse] helmet on?
That'll be his first love 'til his first love comes along
[As soon we found out we were having a boy, Nic started talking about being able to more rough with him than with a girl, and how excited he was to teach his boy how to play lacrosse]

He'll get his heart broke by the time he's in his teens
And heaven help him if he's anything like me
[That's me-the loving emotional giver]

He'll probably stay out too late and drive his car too fast
Get a speeding ticket, he'll pay for mowing grass
He's gonna get caught skippin' class and be grounded for a week
He's gonna get into trouble, we're gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback if he's anything like me
[It won't surprise if this is just how our son is. That all sounds a lot like me & Nic.]

He's gonna love me and hate me along the way
Years are gonna fly by and I already dread the day
He's gonna hug his momma, he's gonna shake my hand
He's gonna act like he can't wait to leave
But as he drives out he'll cry his eyes out if he's anything like me
There's worst folks to be like, oh he'll be alright if he's anything like me
[Who didn't feel that way about their parents? Sometimes you really want to hate them but all along you just love them.]

And heaven help him if he's anything like us- This how I feel when I'm worried about him.
he'll be alright if he's anything like us- This is how I feel when Nic helps me be more rational.

It just reminds me of one of my favorite Bible verses. "So never worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matt 6:34) I just have live for today, and realize that my baby is safe and healthy. When the trials and struggles come-then I will deal with them.
I'm not saying I'm done worrying about him, because from what I can tell I probably never will. But, I don't think it's good for me, him, or Nic for me to be freaking out and worried, about things that really have no place in today.

& that's that!

Saturday, October 16, 2010


According to "verruca (vɛˈruːkə)— noun 1. pathology: a wart, esp one growing on the hand or foot 2. biology: a wartlike outgrowth, as in certain plants or on the skin of some animals"

According to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory:

A completely spoiled rotten little brat.

According to me:
THE most wonderful & perfect puppy in the world.

I got Princess Veruca Rio-Bluetiful (aka Blue), in May 2008 from the animal shelter. We were about to move and my parents told me that after we did I would be able to get a dog, so I naturally went to the shelter that day 'just to look.' First I picked this little weinery type dog, because I thought I would like a smaller breed, but when I took it into the little room to see how we got along, it ignored me the whole time. So I moved one. We walked into the place where they keep all the dogs that are bigger breeds. A lot of the dogs in there were jumping up and barking at us, but there was one puppy who was different, she was just sitting there quietly looking up at me. I took her into the room, and immediately fell in love, she was sweet and loveable and calm. It was very clear she had been hurt and she just wanted someone to love her and take her home. I knew that I had to have her-but I had to wait till Saturday, which was like 2 whole days away.
Saturday morning I woke up super early, and I was at the shelter before they even opened. I was the first person in, and I told them I want the black lab-pitbull mix named 'Blue' I'm taking her home. So for just $35 she was mine all mine. She had all her shots, she was spayed and microchipped, and we got a free harness with her as well. Seriously best money I've ever spent.Don't worry I know how ridiculous this sounds but she is pretty much my best-friend. (okay a close second to Nic-but he doesn't believe that) I can't explain all the ways that this wonderful furry little soul has been there for me. Numerous times when I am sad and crying, she just comes up and puts her head in my lap. Just her being there makes everything a little easier to handle.

It's funny the bond that we have. She's our baby, and we have been preparing her to be a big sister, (which I know she will do very well at) But it's become pretty obvious that she knows I am pregnant, she no longer jumps up on me when she's excited to see me, and if she does she makes sure to keep her paws on my legs. & when we are all in bed cuddling she will put herself in awkward positions so she doesn't lay even just her head on my tummy. She sees my nephew all the time and is great with him so I'm not worried at all how she will act once our little boy gets here.

I feel we have gone through very similar journeys together, where we had been hurt and we were scared, but all we wanted was to feel loved, safe, and at home. & through the last 2.5 years that's definitely what has happened, she is a huge part of what I would call home.

So now that you all think I'm totally nuts for being so crazy about my dog... haha. We bought 'How to Train Your Dragon' last night, because we saw it in theaters and loved it. Blue watched most of it with us, before she went to her bed and fell asleep. That's kind of what inspired this post.. the dragon 'Toothless' is just like Blue, all of funny things he does reminds me so much of her. & how he's really nice until someone tries to mess with Hiccup... yup. Seriously if you haven't seen it, at least Redbox it! Nic has already decided it's going to be our baby's favorite movie, which means I'll be watching it a thousand more times haha.

As far as baby goes, the last week or so I've been feeling move around like crazy if I stop and pay attention. I told Nic it's like he's having a dance party. Nic would try and feel him but we figured he just wasn't big enough yet, until a couple days ago. It was seriously so cool! (& freaky) Nic was just feeling around and all the sudden I felt this intense kick! I jumped away and Nic just looked at me with his jaw dropped. "I just felt him! That was weird!" haha. Then we played for like 45 mins but he only kicked a few more times and it was only when Nic wasn't feeling. I can't believe I'm already 21 weeks! It's so crazy how fast everything is moving, Nic is impatient and wants baby to be here... yesterday ;)

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


On Thursday 10/7 I had my last day of school with my wonderful class C0137. I can't believe it's been a whole year since I first walked into that classroom and met all these people who became such a big part of my life. We spent 4 nights a week together for a year... and now it's over. It is seriously a surreal feeling. They will all be graduating next friday, and I'll be there cheering them on. But I won't be graduating until December. All the classes have attendance requirements and I missed too many classes when I was in my early pregnancy because I was so sick, so I just have two classes to retake. I'll only have class 2 or 3 days a week, and then I'll be done!

Last December at the end of our first term we had to present our vision of our future. Mine pretty much was that I would be doing massage therapy part-time, and my main focus would be my family. I told everyone all about how I couldn't wait to be a wife & mother, when the time was right. For the last day of school we stood up and told everyone a. our plans right after graduation. b.1 year plan. c.5 year plan. and d.the most valuable thing we gained from the program. It was so crazy for me to stand up in front of the same group of people as a wife and soon-to-be mother, and I was incredibly nervous for my turn to come up. When our teacher called my name, I walked up-already shaking. I honestly had no idea what I was going to say, there was so much in my head I didn't know what would manage to make it's way out.

a. Well, I won't be graduating with you guys, so sometime between you graduating and me graduating I will be taking my mblex (licensing exam). But, I won't start working until probably April or May.

b. In 1 year I will be working but only super part-time when Nic isn't at school or working. So I can stay home and take care of baby.

c. In 5 years we will probably be in Washington where we plan to open a spa. We will have two kids...yeah hopefully one more in 5 years...

d. I don't really remember exactly what I said because I was getting emotional and flustered but I explained to them how I didn't graduate high school, and I just ended up taking my GED... & so when I started UCMT all I wanted was to graduate. & I discovered while I was here that I was still my own worst enemy, I was the only one who held me back. But now I'm strong enough to fight against that part of that strives for failure even though I want to succeed soo badly. I thought about giving up, but with the support from Nic, and everyone here at school I'm doing it. I may not be graduating 'on-time' but come December I will graduate.

I was crying when I practically just bore my soul with the last question, and I got a few people in class to shed tears too. The last hour of class everyone was super emotional, it was our last night together and we had the opportunity to just tell everyone what they meant to us, or give them encouragement, however we felt led. I had so many come and tell me it was going to be worth it, and I could do this, they told me they would come to my graduation to support me. I felt so blessed to have so many wonderful people who just genuinely care about me.
The part that really got to me though was that almost every single person who talked to me told me that I am going to be such a good mom. None of them really knew about my insecurities as far as that goes. Every time I heard that I would cry harder, which was followed by a hug.
That's when I started thinking about baby, and the fact that I would be his mommy-forever. Everything I was doing was for him. I was quitting my job so I could do the last few classes I needed by the end of the year, so I would be done with school before he came along. He's not even here yet and I am trying my hardest to be the best mom I can, to just make his life easier.

It's going to be weird to not be going to school at night and see all those people. There's going to be a bunch of strangers sitting in classroom 2, that was like our home away from home-and they are just invading it. haha I feel silly but really I can't explain it.

At the end of class they gave us back a letter that we had written to ourselves during our first week of school. The last two lines of mine said, "I want to prove to myself, and to those who love me that I can do this. I can finish, graduate, and I will succeed." So here I go, it's just the last lap of the race, I'm almost there :)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


Today I got a surprise.
Today the fact that I'm going to be a mommy became more real.
Today is beautiful.
Today I love my husband even more.

Today I found out I'm having a BOY!!

We are so excited!! He's growing right on track, and everything looks completely normal and healthy :)

... I'm going to have a son...

Saturday, October 2, 2010


Like most kids when I hit puberty in about 5/6th grade I began to have a bit of mild acne, sure it sucked but no big deal. Unlike most kids in 7th grade I developed severe cystic/nodular acne. "Nodular acne or cystic acne is generally really painful. One of the most extreme type of this kind of acne might continue for weeks and even months, ultimately solidifying into a cyst. Equally nodules and cysts frequently leave deep scars." It was absolutely horrible!! I had to suffer with it for years, it would come and go pretty much randomly, and nothing we used ever got completely rid of it.
When I was 10th grade my dermatologist started shooting them with steroid shots, which would get rid of the cysts in a few days instead of weeks, he also put me on Accutane, or isotretinoin. This is a very intense treatment, that you take orally-usually once a day or less, I was on doses of 2-3 a day. It dries your skin out, makes you incredibly sensitive to the sun, & can cause forms of psychosis including suicidal thoughts. While on it I couldn't donate blood, or get my eye brows waxed. I had to take a pregnancy test each month, and sign a contract that if I was to have sex while on this medicine I would use two separate forms of birth control, as it causes severe birth defects. Accutane is now being shown to cause all sorts of intestinal problems, I'm not even sure if they still prescribe it... Even after going through all the side effects, and knowing the possible complications, when my acne started to return I decided to get put back on it a 2nd time. The 2nd time was much more effective, and while I still get breakouts, it's nothing that birth control couldn't handle before the pregnancy, and now I just have to deal with it...

I can't really explain the emotional damage the acne, and the scars caused me. I always knew that deep down I was a beautiful girl, but I hated my skin. I would often cry myself to sleep, and pray that God would just get rid of it for me. I hated the way it looked, and the pain that I felt, at one point I thought the only way I would be able to escape the nightmare was to get some sort of face-transplant. But going through all that has made me who I am today, it is because of that nightmare that I am as strong and confident as I am.

Most of the time I no longer think about my scars, sure they occupy my face, chest and back, but I'm used to them-they make me unique. But there are times when I still hate them, and I wish I could have 'normal' skin, like when I look at some of my wedding pictures those scars are the first thing I see... but they aren't the last-I can look past them even then.

you can kind of see them in this pics.

People comment on them every once and awhile, and it doesn't bother me at all. I know they don't look like other scars, and people are just curious. I've been asked about my heart surgery, or if they are burn scars. I actually find it kind of funny when I get questions like that, just yesterday I boy at daycare asked me what was on my chest, when I realized what he was talking about I told him it was from when I got an 'ouchie'. He just said, 'ow'. There's only been one person who was outright rude about it to me, I'm sure people have said things behind my back, and I really don't care. But someone who I had considered a friend commented on one of my pics I had on Myspace, 'What the nasty? Your chest looks like swiss cheese.' That hurt. I eventually got over it and realized people are often just rude to others so they can feel better about themselves.

I know that the people who truly love me, (including myself), just don't care about my scars. Nic they have always been one of the things he loves about me. I wouldn't change any of it for myself but I want to do everything in my power to make sure my children don't have to go through what I did, because while it is often a hereditary and hormonal issue, I was the only kid in my family who had such severe acne. I don't want them to ever feel the way that I did. I've thought about having a laser procedure to get some of them removed, but I probably will have these scars the rest of my life. I wouldn't really be me without them... As far as I see it, it's one of those things where God has brought beauty from ashes.