Tuesday, October 12, 2010

U-UCMT

On Thursday 10/7 I had my last day of school with my wonderful class C0137. I can't believe it's been a whole year since I first walked into that classroom and met all these people who became such a big part of my life. We spent 4 nights a week together for a year... and now it's over. It is seriously a surreal feeling. They will all be graduating next friday, and I'll be there cheering them on. But I won't be graduating until December. All the classes have attendance requirements and I missed too many classes when I was in my early pregnancy because I was so sick, so I just have two classes to retake. I'll only have class 2 or 3 days a week, and then I'll be done!



Last December at the end of our first term we had to present our vision of our future. Mine pretty much was that I would be doing massage therapy part-time, and my main focus would be my family. I told everyone all about how I couldn't wait to be a wife & mother, when the time was right. For the last day of school we stood up and told everyone a. our plans right after graduation. b.1 year plan. c.5 year plan. and d.the most valuable thing we gained from the program. It was so crazy for me to stand up in front of the same group of people as a wife and soon-to-be mother, and I was incredibly nervous for my turn to come up. When our teacher called my name, I walked up-already shaking. I honestly had no idea what I was going to say, there was so much in my head I didn't know what would manage to make it's way out.

a. Well, I won't be graduating with you guys, so sometime between you graduating and me graduating I will be taking my mblex (licensing exam). But, I won't start working until probably April or May.

b. In 1 year I will be working but only super part-time when Nic isn't at school or working. So I can stay home and take care of baby.

c. In 5 years we will probably be in Washington where we plan to open a spa. We will have two kids...yeah hopefully one more in 5 years...

d. I don't really remember exactly what I said because I was getting emotional and flustered but I explained to them how I didn't graduate high school, and I just ended up taking my GED... & so when I started UCMT all I wanted was to graduate. & I discovered while I was here that I was still my own worst enemy, I was the only one who held me back. But now I'm strong enough to fight against that part of that strives for failure even though I want to succeed soo badly. I thought about giving up, but with the support from Nic, and everyone here at school I'm doing it. I may not be graduating 'on-time' but come December I will graduate.



I was crying when I practically just bore my soul with the last question, and I got a few people in class to shed tears too. The last hour of class everyone was super emotional, it was our last night together and we had the opportunity to just tell everyone what they meant to us, or give them encouragement, however we felt led. I had so many come and tell me it was going to be worth it, and I could do this, they told me they would come to my graduation to support me. I felt so blessed to have so many wonderful people who just genuinely care about me.
The part that really got to me though was that almost every single person who talked to me told me that I am going to be such a good mom. None of them really knew about my insecurities as far as that goes. Every time I heard that I would cry harder, which was followed by a hug.
That's when I started thinking about baby, and the fact that I would be his mommy-forever. Everything I was doing was for him. I was quitting my job so I could do the last few classes I needed by the end of the year, so I would be done with school before he came along. He's not even here yet and I am trying my hardest to be the best mom I can, to just make his life easier.

It's going to be weird to not be going to school at night and see all those people. There's going to be a bunch of strangers sitting in classroom 2, that was like our home away from home-and they are just invading it. haha I feel silly but really I can't explain it.


At the end of class they gave us back a letter that we had written to ourselves during our first week of school. The last two lines of mine said, "I want to prove to myself, and to those who love me that I can do this. I can finish, graduate, and I will succeed." So here I go, it's just the last lap of the race, I'm almost there :)

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