Wednesday, October 20, 2010

W-Worrywart

I was texting Nic the other day while he was at work, I was at home alone-doing laundry, and thinking. Which isn't always such a good thing for me, I'm one of those people who gets stuck in their head, I can run circles around myself with all the what-if's and such that seem to appear. I began to make myself so anxious I just stopped what I was doing and all I could do was cry, (this may also be due the crazy-prego-hormones I've got right now). I told Nic I was worried about baby. Not about his health, or the things I usually worried about-but his future. I didn't want him to grow up, and have to deal with being a teenager. There's sex, drugs, drama, and so much potential hurt-that I just don't have him to ever have to deal with. Nic and I each had pretty rough years, some of that was due to our choices, some was because of the choices that other people made and we had to deal with, and some of it was nobodies choice really it was just the way that life goes. He texted me back: "We can just do our best." & somehow that little bit reassured me a ton. I actually started laughing at myself and told him I felt silly & that I shouldn't be so crazy emotional and irrational. He just told me that technically (& hormonally) I should be.

I've always told everyone that I wasn't born with this maternal-instinct that women are supposed to have. & I'll be honest- I still don't think I have it. I have more of this 'irrational-worrier' thing, and that's where Nic steps in, he's much more logical, and has an easier time seeing the big-picture for the both of us, especially when I get stuck. Which is why I think we'll be alright, and that baby will turn out alright. I mean God wouldn't have given us this baby if He didn't know that we could handle it.

I heard this song in the car today, & I love it!
Anything Like Me - Brad Paisley


I remember sayin' I don't care either way
Just as long as he or she is healthy I'm okay
Then the doctor pointed to the corner of the screen
And said, "You see that thing right there, well you know what that means"
I started wondering who he was going to be
And I thought heaven help us if he's anything like me

He'll probably climb a tree too tall and ride his bike too fast
End up every summer wearin' something in a cast
He's gonna throw a ball and break some glass in a window down the street
[This part totally sounds Nic, he was always breaking some bone and getting hurt till he was on first-name basis with ER nurses at the hospital]

He's gonna get in trouble, oh he's gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback if he's anything like me
[I was never a fighter, and I know most of the fights Nic got in he was defending a girl, so I'd be okay with that.]

I can see him right now, knees all skinned up
With a magnifying glass tryin' to melt the Tonka truck
Won't he be a sight with his [lacrosse] helmet on?
That'll be his first love 'til his first love comes along
[As soon we found out we were having a boy, Nic started talking about being able to more rough with him than with a girl, and how excited he was to teach his boy how to play lacrosse]

He'll get his heart broke by the time he's in his teens
And heaven help him if he's anything like me
[That's me-the loving emotional giver]

He'll probably stay out too late and drive his car too fast
Get a speeding ticket, he'll pay for mowing grass
He's gonna get caught skippin' class and be grounded for a week
He's gonna get into trouble, we're gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback if he's anything like me
[It won't surprise if this is just how our son is. That all sounds a lot like me & Nic.]

He's gonna love me and hate me along the way
Years are gonna fly by and I already dread the day
He's gonna hug his momma, he's gonna shake my hand
He's gonna act like he can't wait to leave
But as he drives out he'll cry his eyes out if he's anything like me
There's worst folks to be like, oh he'll be alright if he's anything like me
[Who didn't feel that way about their parents? Sometimes you really want to hate them but all along you just love them.]

And heaven help him if he's anything like us- This how I feel when I'm worried about him.
he'll be alright if he's anything like us- This is how I feel when Nic helps me be more rational.

It just reminds me of one of my favorite Bible verses. "So never worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matt 6:34) I just have live for today, and realize that my baby is safe and healthy. When the trials and struggles come-then I will deal with them.
I'm not saying I'm done worrying about him, because from what I can tell I probably never will. But, I don't think it's good for me, him, or Nic for me to be freaking out and worried, about things that really have no place in today.

& that's that!

1 comment:

  1. I went through that phase when I was pregnant with Olivia. The worrying of bringing her into this world where I feel is so awful and that I didn't want her to deal with all of this. I think that's a worry that all expectant parents have.

    That Brad Paisley song brings me to tears everytime I hear it.

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