Thursday, January 27, 2011

35 weeks & 5 Days.

I made it 35 weeks and 5 days, that's only 4 weeks and 2 days left till my due date. & today as I was getting dressed I saw them... 2 itty bitty stretch marks on the very bottom of my tummy. (Up until now I only had a few little ones on my inner thighs, and one in between the two holes from my belly button piercing.) Now there is one on each side, I guess it's kinda cute that they match, I made Nic double and triple check that they were real, since I can only see them in the mirror haha and after that I started insisting that Asher was born now so I didn't have to risk getting any more. . I know that in all reality it isn't even a big deal... but Nic could tell I was feeling a little upset so he gave me a big hug and told me he would love me all the same even if I got horrible stretch marks. [What a lucky girl I am!]



PS. I really really want to do something different with my hair, (& keep it long). So if you have any ideas feel free to shoot them this way? Thanks!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

So No One Told You Life Was Gonna Be This Way...

Nicholas is my best friend, (as he very well should be), and I wouldn't have it any other way. He is a source of strength and laughter for me, he knows all these little things about me that no one else knows.  & sometimes it feels like he can read my mind, he knows what I'm going to do or say before it happens. He "always" says the right thing to make me feel better, and he doesn't say it because it's the right thing but because that is what he really means. & I love that, all of it. I love how close we are, & the fact that we really truly are best friends. I think that makes us pretty lucky.

But there's still times when we both feel a bit like we are missing out. Outside of each other we don't really have any close friends that we get to spend time with. Nic's childhood best friend is currently out of the country serving a mission for his church, and the friend that he was living with when we met has decided to no longer have anything to do with him. Nic tells me that he's never been the kind of guy that hung out with a big group of friends, but that he always had just few really close friends.

I had a breakdown sometime ago after I went shopping at Target because (& trust me I know this is silly) I just felt like a freak. And I know that is because while I have "friends", (more like acquaintances), who are pregnant, I don't feel like I have someone close to talk to or relate to. None of my close-friends are in the same place in their lives as me... & in all honesty I don't even feel like I have close-friends, it's more like we-once-were-close-friends.

I don't even know any of you anymore. How is it that we were all so close for so long-growing and changing in a lot of the same ways-and now you are a stranger to me?? I thought we all loved Jesus, I thought we all wanted to grow close to Him... I'd be lying if I said I didn't have my struggles/sins, but I'm still clinging to Jesus and His Word. When I go to church and I don't see any of those faces I had grown so used to, I grow so sad knowing that you are turning your back on Him. Don't ignore Him and the ways He is convicting and leading you. Please. we all want you to turn around-come back. Have you truly forgotten the truth? Have you forgotten all that he has done for you? Are you that self-centered that you don't see it? Or do you just not care? It's sad that the people I used to consider Brothers and Sisters in Christ, are now the people that I'm on knees praying that they would come to the Lord.

I'm sorry if this is all a little scatter-brained. I'm just in a state of sadness. I'm coming to the sad realization that these people aren't who they used to be. We were there for each other when times got really hard, for encouragement, and accountability. & now all I can see is them pulling away from God, slowly but surely they are falling back into old habits, one-by-one...

It makes me sad to think that I really am losing friends. I've made the choice not to associate with them so closely because I don't approve of the lifestyle choices they are making.

"Don't be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character." 1Corinthians 15:33

I don't want to seem self-righteous, like I'm so much better than these people or even that I think I have it all figured out-because I don't. I just think there is a difference between noticing your faults/shortcomings and then just thinking that every thing you do is fine-justifying the sin for whatever reason. I also have to fight off feelings that I'm just being hypocritical. I've been in the exact place some of my friends are in right-what right do I have to tell what they are doing is wrong? But I'm not judging them or condemning them for being such horrible people. I just know from experience, (both personal and the experiences I have witnessed), where certain paths will lead to.

"Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church." Ephesians 4:15

I have my other friends who because of distance we can't be there for each other physically, because of the busyness it's hard to be there emotionally, and because of a difference in beliefs its sometimes hard to be there spiritually. Of course these girls are always there for me in any way that can be. I love them eternally, and cherish every little bit of love they have shown to me, and will continue to show me.

I wrote this down in my notes one night at Bible Study: "God may bring circumstances into our lives, that bruise us and cause us to lose things. But only so he can pull us in closer and do a mighty work in our lives. If we just accept the situations the Lord brings into our lives, and not try and fight it, or fix it in our own way, we will see the AMAZING work the Lord is doing, and the wonderful outcome he has planned"

& so I am just waiting and praying. I know that this is just a season I'm going through, (and it may all be a little hormonally influenced). I know that right now it would be more of a challenge for me to be good friend to someone, I'm a newlywed, and a soon-to-be-mommy. I think God is sparing me and others from hurt I could cause by being a bad friend. So I'll just continue to love on my best friend, we're going through the same things and see each other daily, so we do a pretty good job at being friends. & someday I'll be able to more fully enjoy the blessings that come from having a close-friend.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Baby Shower

On Saturday 1/15 we had our baby shower :]
It was so fun to see some friends I hadn't seen practically the whole time I've been pregnant. 

I'm so glad that Nic decided to come be a part of it all.



Nic's mom made this gorgeous quilt for Asher


We were the two preggo girls in our class, her baby is now 9 weeks old!


Here I am at 34 weeks. Apparently baby is supposed to weigh as much as a cantaloupe... I've gained 'slightly' more than that though haha.

Ps. this isn't a maternity shirt. Who on earth would wear this if they weren't pregnant?!?

Peanut loved all the balloons we brought home from the shower. He kept gettting tangled up in them and then running around like crazy.



We bought a carseat! (and I got a diaper bag) :] This means he can come at any time and we will be [more] ready. At least now we can bring him home from the hospital. This carseat can hold babies with a higher weight or length than most other ones, which is what we think we will probably need. I'm 5'9'' & Nic is 6'2'', Peanut's mom & dad are both under 5'6'' so he's a pretty little guy, and Olivia is much taller than he is- so we're assuming that we're gonna have a tall baby.


Here I am 34 weeks and 3 days. I had to go to the Dr. today because I have a UTI. This is the only time in my pregnancy that I have felt completely miserable, but I'm on antibiotic so hopefully I'll be feeling better soon...
Just call me Juno. ;)

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Motherhood

My mom sent me this video when I was about 16 weeks along. I've watched it quite a few times since then, and every time it makes me smile and tear up.



The website can be found here.

I still can't believe I'm going to a mom. Seriously, do you ever feel ready to receive such a title? I know so many great mothers, and I just hope that I will find myself feeling comfortable to call myself one of them. :)



PS.My aunt and uncle had their baby yesterday 1/12/11, so little Xander is Asher's cousin that closest in age.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Nic's Baby

My Nicholas is officially 24 years old! As Valery pointed out, "There are several countries that celebrate January 6th as Three Kings Day (for when the Kings found baby Jesus.)  So the man born on Three Kings Day will soon have a little king."


He had to work on the 6th so we just enjoyed being able to spend the day together on the 5th. We had JCW's for lunch (of course). That night we were both feeling a little sick, so Nic skipped school and we watched Inception (& loved it). We had both been wanting to see it for quite awhile but never got to until it was finally at Redbox. We stayed up till midnight so I could sing to him, and be the first person to write on his wall on Facebook haha. & he said some cheesy things that made me cry happy-sappy love tears.

When we woke up on the 6th he was feeling much more awful then he had been the night before so he had to call in sick to work. I checked his symptoms on WebMd and got freaked out that something was seriously wrong. So we spent the day in bed, well he did. I still had to dishes and such. As the day went on he began feeling better so I was glad he was actually able to eat come dinner time, we ordered pizza and I made him birthday brownies (which he absolutely loved! I was so proud :-)

I was so concerned with making this the best birthday ever for Nic, and then he had work and school-which he ended up being too sick to go to either. I was feeling a little like I failed because it wasn't as perfect as I thought it should've been. He made me feel better by telling me that just by having me here with little Asher on his way (very soon!), made it a great birthday. (He's such a swell guy :-)

Speaking of little Asher...

So we had another ultrasound on 12/20 The main reason why I'm measuring big is because I have polyhydramnios, which just means an excess of amniotic fluid. It can potentially be a sign of a problem, but my levels aren't severely high so we aren't worried. He is measuring a little bit ahead, and his head is a couple weeks ahead of everything else. I'm just hoping his body catches up or I will be giving birth to a blow-pop. But everything looks fine, and perfectly healthy.
We are about 7 weeks from my due date, but we honestly don't think we will make it that long. I just have a feeling that he's going to come a little early, which is crazy to think that in 7 weeks I'll have a baby. I'm perfectly content being pregnant, I wouldn't mind it going a little longer... (haha I say that now...) Our baby shower is next week, and I'm so excited! We feel pretty unprepared so hopefully after that some of my anxiety will be eased.

Sometimes I will refer to Asher as "my baby", & Nic will say that he is "his baby". It's almost like we are fighting over him...
32 weeks


I've never really liked any brown sodas, they just gross me out for some reason. But now I cannot get enough Dr.Pepper! I love it, I crave it!(Lehi JCW's has some of the best DP) Nic even bought me a 12 pack of caffeine-free for Christmas.
& Kraft Mac&Cheese. Ew. I have always hated the stuff! But Nic was eating some last week and it just smelled sooo good, so I tried it & loved it. He even had to make more, and he made some a few nights ago for me too.
Guess who loves Dr.Pepper, Mac&Cheese??
Yeah. Nic does. & apparently his crazy baby is making me love it too!
Haha.

I'm sure there are many ways that he is "my baby", and I probably even have cravings of food I love. But because I have always been me, and loved the things I love I don't notice them nearly as much.


But when we put all joking aside Nic corrects me and makes sure I know that he is "our baby". I think that is one of the most important things to Nic. He hasn't had that before. Olivia is his baby too, but he knew she was going to have a different mommy & daddy, he had to come to terms with that before he even met her. We were talking about our baby the other day on our way home from the doctor and he was telling me something like, 'It's going to be the most amazing moment, when you see that little guy who is me and you put together. That's why you're supposed to wait till marriage, so it is amazing, your just happy to have your own little family. He's going to be our baby forever.' We obviously didn't wait till we were married before we slept together, and started our family. We know that it was sinful, but we have confessed and repented. Even though nothing I can say will justify those actions, we know that the Lord brought us this baby for a purpose.

I'm so grateful that me and Nic have this opportunity to bring our baby into the world, and that the Lord is trusting us to take care of this precious little boy. 


Saturday, January 1, 2011

Long Story Short

"Boy meets Girl
Girl wants to run like the wind.
She's had her share of heartache.
 But she stays.

She discovers Boy's had his share of heartache, too.
So they both stay.
And learn to trust and love.

And that's a good thing."

Thank you 2010 for being so good to us. Here's to 2011 being even better. :)

Long Story Long.

2010 was easily the best year of my life. It wasn't the easiest, I had my fair share of trials, but in the end so many wonderful things have happened and I've come out of it so much healthier. Here's my long summary of the year.

In January my on-again-off-again ex-boyfriend broke up with me. It was something he had done many times before, and I took it pretty hard. (This dance sums it up better than I can.) I had talked myself into believing that we were meant for each other and that we would eventually get back together. I prayed for the Lord to tell me that he was 'The One', I was looking for what the truth was I was looking for a 'Yes'. I never got that, & the Lord knew I wouldn't listen if He said 'No' so He just told me to 'Not yet-keep waiting'. I was convinced I was waiting for my ex, but in reality I was waiting for my husband.

February started off as a very hard month for me. I was facing the reality that I needed to that boy go, that I deserved soo much better. I was completely broken so I clung to the Lord for safety & love. One week the depression I was feeling hit me so hard, that I couldn't function. I missed a lot of school that week, and I spent most of it just in my bed-not really feeling sad, but feeling more like I didn't know how to take the next step.
"Live through this, and you won't look back...
There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save"

That Friday I went to school, and about halfway through I couldn't do it anymore, I left to go to the college group at my church that meets on Friday nights. That night (2/19/10) changed my life. When I got there they were already most of the way through the lesson, but I took as many notes as I could. Then when Pastor Steve was done teaching I talked with two of my friends, told them all about my lousy week, and I began to cry. When I had first gotten there I noticed there was some people I didn't recognize, a girl with wild red-orange hair sitting next to a cute boy. As I was crying to my friends I noticed him looking over at me, and I felt completely embarrassed. If you ask him, he'll tell you that at that moment he knew he wanted to take care of me, and protect me from everything that hurt me. That was the night I met my Nicholas. We began hanging out, holding hands, and telling each other secrets, but soon enough we were most definitely boyfriend and girlfriend.

There's not much to say about March, other than I was in a complete whirlwind-romance. We spent every possible moment together, falling more and more in love with each passing moment.
"it hasn't felt like this before,
it hasn't felt like home...before you. 
And I know its easy to say, but its harder to feel this way, 
And I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could, 
I can't get my mind off of you..."

April continued much the same way. April 4th Nicholas prayed to receive Christ. :) We were getting more and more serious, as fast as our damaged nervous hearts would let us. Along the way we realized we were meant for each other, God had fashioned us in such a way that together we were perfect. So I started planning a wedding, and Nic saved up for a ring. & on April 28th we were officially engaged

May was just spent working, and planning a wedding, and being stressed out in general. Nic got to meet my extended family, and he fit in with them perfectly. I failed two of my classes, that I later had to retake.

June started off a lot like May-it seemed like it would be a fairly uneventful month. We just needed to keep swimming and planning and getting everything ready. Then Father's Day rolled around, it was a day that Nic was not looking forward to. It was his first Father's Day as a birth-father. So to help make it better for him I asked Valery to send me some pictures of Olivia, and I framed them along with some pictures that Nic had with her from the hospital. Later that day I was able to tell him that he was going to be daddy. He was instantly excited-I was in shock and incredibly nervous. The Friday after is the day I met little Olivia. It was so wonderful to finally meet her and her family after I had heard so much about them.

July was our worst month of the year. We were both unemployed, as we were trying to put together a wedding, and then we had to face the reality that we were having a baby. And through all that we had only known each other for about 5 months so we were still getting to know one another, and how we each handled different situations. We realized that a lot of trials were stemming from our sin, and we began to repent & seek forgiveness. It was a hard month, but the Lord got us through it.

August is easily summed up with our wedding on 08/10/10. This was a day I had looked forward to my whole life, and more specifically been planning it, agonizing over every little thing for about 3.5 months. I'm so glad that we had a super short engagement and that we were still able to get everything ready for our perfect wedding.

September was (of course) awesome. We were both working, and going to school. I had gotten all my pregnancy sickness pretty much under control. We celebrated Olivia's 1st birthday, and my 21st birthday.

October was a roller coaster of a different sort. It started out by us finding out we were having a boy! Which was a huge surprise because everyone thought we were having a girl, but as soon as Nic found out he was gonna have a little guy to wrestle with, & teach how to be a real man, he was more than thrilled. The next week I had to quit my job, and watch my entire class graduate without me. It was a very hard time for me, I felt like a failure, but I knew that I just push through for 10 more weeks. Nic didn't let me go one minute feeling bad about myself, he let me know that he was proud of me. He continued to support me through any bit of nonsense I faced. & he even dressed up like a lion for me :)

November was spent getting to know my little peanut even better. We celebrated his 1st birthday, and I got to experience so many fun memories of babysitting him. Nic and I continued to grow closer as a married couple, by sharing our struggles together, and sticking together when it felt like us against the world. We got to share our first Thanksgiving together, being thankful for each other and our little buddy on the way. Near the end of November I got to spend some time with my extended family in Arizona.

December was busy and wonderful. There were two big highlights: My graduation from UCMT and Christmas.

We made it through that insanely crazy year, and here go to 2011. I know this next year is going to be an awesome year for me! Next week is Nic's birthday, then our baby is due in a few weeks :) What a great start to a new year.


Last pic of 2010

First pic of 2011.


Resolutions:
-Pray together every night.
-Deliver my baby naturally.
-Show more love, be less judgemental.
-Get out of debt.
-Stay close to the Lord, and be open to any work he is desiring to do in our lives.