So here I am today. Still very much pregnant...*sigh* I'm 39 weeks and 5 days.
This week has been nothing short of a roller coaster for us. Last Friday we went bowling and had such a blast. I actually did really well too, despite being super pregnant.
On the way home from church on Sunday I had my first real intense contraction. It kind of caught me off guard but along with all the other signs/symptoms I've been experiencing we kept thinking that our baby would be here in a couple days. Sunday night through Monday night I was having pretty irregular contractions, they would go from being super intense to ones that felt more like Braxton Hicks. I tried to go walking to see if that would help... but nothing happened.
Tuesday on the way out of the DMV I slipped on some stairs, I managed to catch myself but I immediately started having much more intense contractions. I talked to my mom who told me we should probably start timing them just in case, (she went into labor with her first after slipping down some stairs). For about an hour they were 5-7 minutes apart and then the next hour they were about 3 minutes apart. We started getting anxious so we called the midwife who was on call, and she was pretty condescending to me on the phone, (I may also just be super sensitive right now). But she finally agreed to let me come down and get checked. She said I was dilated to a 2 and 50% effaced. At that point I really wanted to start crying, because 5 days earlier I was a 2 and 75%-I blamed it on the midwife and decided I wasn't going into labor that day because I didn't want her delivering him. She also told me I could just schedule my next appointment for a week later or I could go to the one I had previously scheduled for Thursday (today). The way she said it made me it seem to me that she thought I would still be pregnant next Tuesday-which is not what I wanted to hear. Like I said, I've been very sensitive these last few days and she was just making me sad/frustrated.
On the way home I did start crying and I asked Nic if he was mad at me. He told me "absolutely not, why would I be mad?" I just felt like he would be disappointed that I wasn't doing 'enough' & I felt silly... did I even know what a contraction felt like? He was incredibly reassuring, and let me know I was doing more than enough and we just needed to keep waiting.
Needless to say the rest of Tuesday and a good portion of Wednesday I was pretty overly emotional. I told Nic that I felt broken, like my body didn't know how to have a baby and that he would never be born. I cried off and on many times... and each time Nic told me how silly I was being and would fill the blanks of anything else I needed to hear. By the Bible study came around that night I was in a much better mood, (and afterward we went to JCW's and I got a shake which definitely helped my mood.)
. Every other day this week I woke up feeling like, 'Today is THE day!' and then when it didn't happen I would feel sad, but all day today I haven't been feeling anxious, or disappointed, or upset. Sure I'm still having still contractions here and there, but it's nothing like it was on Tuesday so I'm just learning to be content in my waiting. At my appointment today I was dilated to a 3 and 80% so there is definitely something happening.
I realized I wasn't looking at my due date, as a date used to estimate the development of my baby, but more as a deadline. For the past nine months I've been thinking come February 26th I won't be pregnant anymore, by then I will be holding my baby. & there's still a chance that that is true but, even if it isn't I'm okay now. Nic helped me realize that our baby won't be born until it's his birthday, & the fact that we are so close to my due date means that the chances of him having health issues are very small. I realized that my body has done a very good of keeping him safe and healthy up to this point, and so until he's ready we'll keep waiting. I guess there are just a few more finishing touches he needs.
Oh and lately I've been having the weirdest craving. I've been eating oranges like it's no one's business but the best part to me is the white fleshy part of the skin, and sometimes I eat pieces of the skin... it grosses me out to admit it but this is one of those things I want to remember haha.
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" Romans 12:12