Thursday, February 24, 2011

39 weeks

So here I am today. Still very much pregnant...*sigh* I'm 39 weeks and 5 days.

This week has been nothing short of a roller coaster for us. Last Friday we went bowling and had such a blast. I actually did really well too, despite being super pregnant.

On the way home from church on Sunday I had my first real intense contraction. It kind of caught me off guard but along with all the other signs/symptoms I've been experiencing we kept thinking that our baby would be here in a couple days. Sunday night through Monday night I was having pretty irregular contractions, they would go from being super intense to ones that felt more like Braxton Hicks. I tried to go walking to see if that would help... but nothing happened.

Tuesday on the way out of the DMV I slipped on some stairs, I managed to catch myself but I immediately started having much more intense contractions. I talked to my mom who told me we should probably start timing them just in case, (she went into labor with her first after slipping down some stairs). For about an hour they were 5-7 minutes apart and then the next hour they were about 3 minutes apart. We started getting anxious so we called the midwife who was on call, and she was pretty condescending to me on the phone, (I may also just be super sensitive right now). But she finally agreed to let me come down and get checked. She said I was dilated to a 2 and 50% effaced. At that point I really wanted to start crying, because 5 days earlier I was a 2 and 75%-I blamed it on the midwife and decided I wasn't going into labor that day because I didn't want her delivering him. She also told me I could just schedule my next appointment for a week later or I could go to the one I had previously scheduled for Thursday (today). The way she said it made me it seem to me that she thought I would still be pregnant next Tuesday-which is not what I wanted to hear. Like I said, I've been very sensitive these last few days and she was just making me sad/frustrated.
On the way home I did start crying and I asked Nic if he was mad at me. He told me "absolutely not, why would I be mad?" I just felt like he would be disappointed that I wasn't doing 'enough' & I felt silly... did I even know what a contraction felt like? He was incredibly reassuring, and let me know I was doing more than enough and we just needed to keep waiting.

Needless to say the rest of Tuesday and a good portion of Wednesday I was pretty overly emotional. I told Nic that I felt broken, like my body didn't know how to have a baby and that he would never be born. I cried off and on many times... and each time Nic told me how silly I was being and would fill the blanks of anything else I needed to hear. By the Bible study came around that night I was in a much better mood, (and afterward we went to JCW's and I got a shake which definitely helped my mood.)

. Every other day this week I woke up feeling like, 'Today is THE day!' and then when it didn't happen I would feel sad, but all day today I haven't been feeling anxious, or disappointed, or upset. Sure I'm still having still contractions here and there, but it's nothing like it was on Tuesday so I'm just learning to be content in my waiting. At my appointment today I was dilated to a 3 and 80% so there is definitely something happening.
I realized I wasn't looking at my due date, as a date used to estimate the development of my baby, but more as a deadline. For the past nine months I've been thinking come February 26th I won't be pregnant anymore, by then I will be holding my baby. & there's still a chance that that is true but, even if it isn't I'm okay now. Nic helped me realize that our baby won't be born until it's his birthday, & the fact that we are so close to my due date means that the chances of him having health issues are very small. I realized that my body has done a very good of keeping him safe and healthy up to this point, and so until he's ready we'll keep waiting. I guess there are just a few more finishing touches he needs.

Oh and lately I've been having the weirdest craving. I've been eating oranges like it's no one's business but the best part to me is the white fleshy part of the skin, and sometimes I eat pieces of the skin... it grosses me out to admit it but this is one of those things I want to remember haha.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer"
Romans 12:12

Monday, February 21, 2011

last the best of all the game?

So there were a total of 5 of us due in February. Two women from church, two women from high-school, and me. We all are having little boys. It's all been pretty cute.

Well one lady had her little boy the middle of January. Two girls had them last week, and then the other girl from my church had her baby yesterday.
I really am so happy for all of them :] I've seen pics and all the little boys are so cute!

& here I am... still waiting, and super jealous! I wanna meet my boy and see how cute he is! haha I know it'll be worth the wait and he'll come when the timing is perfect. I'm only 5 days from my due date, and last night I was having some contractions... hopefully that means something is happening and it's not just false labor... I'm about to go walk around the mall with my mom & hopefully next time I post I'll be a mommy ;-)

Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Day Before You

It was one year ago today that I meant my Nicholas.
One year ago that my life began to undergo some pretty radical changes.
I found the love of my life, and my best friend-my other half.

Here's a message I sent my cousin last March that kind of tells the story:
"K so I have failed at keeping you up to date in my life, obviously.... Me and [ex] broke up in January. He thought it would be best for him to be single for awhile, since when we were broken up he was with [another girl] and such. I was super hurt, but I realized he was right, and I figured we would end up together anyway.
One week in Feb was absolute hell for me. I got super depressed, stop eating or doing anything but sleeping and going to school. I spent a lot of that time just praying for my feelings for [ex] to just go away, they were just harmful, and he didn't deserve my love anymore. On that Friday I went to school but only for half the time, cuz we have a college group at church every Friday so I left school, and walked into college group like an hour late.
I saw these two kids I didn't know sitting on a couch together, a cute boy and some girl. After the lesson I was talking with Cassie and I kept noticing him looking over at me... Then we were all going to Denny's and I noticed the girl he was with was driving a Jeep! So when we got to Denny's they were sitting on a bench in the waiting room and I just went and sat in between them and was like "Hi! I'm Jordyn! I don't think I've met you guys before" I asked her about her Jeep and such, I've never had a more outgoing moment in my life. When we sat down they sat on the same table with me and Cassie. & we all just had so much fun laughing and talking. It was the first time in a long time I had felt that good.
I hung out with Nic, the girl, and Bryce a couple nights later. Again it was awesome, and he held my hand. Like two days later I went over to his house with Jayson to watch a movie with him and the girl. He picked Spice World, just for me, and then we watched an American Tail. Jayson and the girl fell asleep so we started cuddling and such... then it was like 4 and I had to take the car home for my mom. But lucky for me we were snowed in and had to spend the night on the couches at his house. In the morning Jayson wouldn't wake up so we spent the next few hours on the floor just cuddling and talking, it was the first time we actually got to spend time alone. & he was all, "i like you... a lot" it was great just getting to know each other and stuff. When it was time for me to leave, he hadn't kissed me and I was all upset so I was just like, "what are you waiting for?" he was like "I'm not sure..." then we sat there for a few minutes and then he finally kissed me.
We went on our first official date a week after we met, and that same night we decided to be boyfriend/girlfriend. I was really nervous about it... but I realized that I was really seriously falling for him. & it all just felt so different. Sometime later he told me he loved me, & I freaked out because I knew I loved him but I didn't want to admit it yet. But I can't hide anything from him, he seriously just reads me so well..
I realized that with [ex] I had changed a lot of who I was/what I wanted out of life just to make him happy, because I thought he was the one. & with Nic it's crazy, he just tells me his like goals and dreams and so many of them are right on par with the dreams of mine that I had been hiding for so long. Like wanting to live in Washington, and wanting to adopt little children lol. Nic just gets me... I know it sounds cheesy, and so much about us is cheesy but it's true. He knows that if I'm being super cranky it probably just means that I'm hungry, if I'm emotional I'm probably sleepy. He doesn't care that I'm the verge of being clinically insane. We were talking the other day and I told him that he had probably seen me at my craziest, and he said, "if that was only 50% of your maximum crazy, I could handle 100% easily." aww...
Haha I'm completely in love and happy, the feelings I have for him just blow me away, it's so different than anything else I've felt and this time I know that Nic feels exactly the same, or even more. I just look at him and I can't help but smile...
He is my One.
I'm so lucky to have someone who is so incredibly understanding, and sweet, and smart, and adorable... My family all loves him and he has the same beliefs as me, he just laughs when I'm being ridiculous and always knows just what I need to be okay... and Friday after college group we were talking about past relationships and why they didn't work, and just other crappy things from our pasts. and he said something like, "Jordyn I know now that everything I had to go through, was for you... so I would know what you need and how to treat you, and love you. Even though we haven't known each other very long, I've been waiting and preparing for you my whole life." :D

The Day Before You-Matthew West (cover of Rascal Flatts)

I had all but given up on finding
The one that I could fall into
On the day before you
I was ready to settle for
Less than love and not much more
There was no such thing as a dream come true
Oh, but that was all the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

In your eyes I see forever
Makes me wish that my life never knew
The day before you

Oh, but Heaven knows those years without you
Were shaping my heart for the that day I found you
If you're the reason for all that I've been through
Then I'm thankful for the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

Was the last day that I ever needed alone
And I'm never going back
No I'm never going back

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
No I'm never going back
I will never have to go back to
The day before you 

 Nicki oh my Nicki,
Leaving school that Friday was one of the best decisions I've ever made.  I was just looking to hear what God had given Steve to share with all of us. I never knew walking into the church that night that I would meet the man I had been waiting for entire life. I was young, and not looking for love-but it found me. Every day I love you more and more. I just think of how crazy, and blessed this last year has been and it makes me so excited to share my life with you. 
You're a total babe, and I love your cute face.
-Your Pretty Lady

Thursday, February 17, 2011

38 weeks

I am so ready to have this baby!

haha only 9 more days till my due date, and this Saturday (2/19) is the day I've been hoping he would be born from the very beginning... so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Even though in all honesty I've never been to the hospital for myself, never broken a bone, gotten stitches, or surgery or anything like that... so I'm a little nervous about it, but not too much.
We went to our appointment today and last I was dilated to a 1.5 and 60% effaced, today I was dilated to a 2 and 75% effaced... so something is definitely getting ready to happen.
Last week at the appointment after she got done checking me, there was a rush of liquid and she says, "I think I may have broken your water." I was trying to stay calm and I just kept saying, "okay... okay..." Nic was laughing the whole time, not only because he could tell I was about to freak out but also because he was getting excited at the possibility. She took some ph strips to test and see... "Okay I think I just made you pee." Nic & I were both laughing at that point. I guess I could have been totally mortified and embarrassed but meh... no big deal at least we walked away with a funny story. :]

I'm trying to remember to cherish the last few moments we have pre-baby. As soon as he's born our lives will change drastically. I need to enjoy having as much peaceful sleep as I want. But I'm also cherishing all the fun things I get to experience right now, like feeling Asher kick and push and roll around. While I'm so anxious to meet him and see what he looks like, this time is really fun because we get to play with him, but he doesn't cry or poop or anything haha. Like the other night after I had gone to sleep, Nic stayed up reading and playing with Asher. I guess they were pushing back and forth and even played a little hide & seek, I was completely unaware any of this was happening until I tried to get up to go potty, and Nic told me, "No, you can't go-I'm bonding with my son." haha seriously that man of mine is so cute sometimes.

 Our Valentine's Day was lovely. Saturday we went to Applebee's with my parents. Which just happens to be where we went on our first date, (that's a funny story for another day.) Nic had work and school on Monday so we couldn't do anything. I got a long stem (4 feet) long rose, and small bouquet that matched our wedding colors. 'My gift' to Nic was his new glasses, (that should be here any day....) I'm not really into the whole holiday honestly...which is a good thing because whether we are working for ourselves or someone else V-Day is huge for the spa-industry and so both of us (or at the very least Nic) will have quite a bit of work to do that day every year. Honestly my favorite part of it all was that my valentine will 'Be Mine' every single year to come... no gift could make my happier than just knowing that simple fact.

I really wish I had something more interesting to say... but I don't right now. :) haha.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Today and Every Day

Forever Can Never Be Long Enough For Me to Feel Like I've Had Long Enough With You.

It's not the most impressive or monumental milestone, but Nicholas and I have officially been married for 6-months :)

 Being married is way more fun and way less stressful than dating or even being engaged! These 6 months of marriage have been crazy, and wonderful. I feel so lucky to be able to have my best friend next to me day after day, we have so much fun together even if it's just running errands or eating midnight snacks in bed.
I've learned what it's like to love someone unlike my love for any one else on this planet. And I believe that is it because of that we are able to be so patient and understanding with one another.

I love when you tell me that I'm pretty when I just wake up
And I love how you tease me when I'm moody, but it's never too much

I think it's much easier to be in love with Nic than it is to be in love with me...I know that no one else would enjoy being married to me the way that Nic does. But, he would probably say the same thing about him, so I guess we're just lucky.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
   But how can one keep warm alone?" Ecclesiastes 4:9-11

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Maternity Pictures :]

This past Saturday we got some maternity pictures taken. Nic thinks its a weird thing to do but he still humored me and came along, looking as handsome as ever. Kate from elisabeth kate photography took them for us, and she did such a good job! I love them all so much! I was exactly 37 weeks when we got these taken, and I'm so glad I'll have these to look back on and think of this time while we are anxiously awaiting our baby Asher.

Like I said, I'm 37 weeks (& 4 days), which means we have officially made it full term, and our little guy could make his big debut any day now... I get more and more excited every day. I can't wait to hold my baby, and to not be pregnant anymore. On one hand it feels like it all happened to so fast, and on the other I feel like I can't wait one more minute!

There's was a time I wasn't constantly lugging around a bowling-ball...

But somewhere along the way this:
Became this:
And apparently there is a baby in there hiding somewhere. ;-)

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Come Thou Fount

I've been feeling very prompted to write this particular blog-post. I think not only because I need to share this story with other people, but I need a more permanent record of this, and a place where I can fully look back and see more clearly what the Lord was trying to show me. (hindsight is 20/20 after-all)
Last week I got a question on my formspring asking, 'What song makes you cry no matter what?' One of the songs I listed was Come Thou Fount. A couple days later Val referenced the song in a comment on one of my blogs. Then this week at Bible study we sang it as part of worship. It's all too much in the span of a week to be coincidence (not that I believe in coincidences regardless)  

This song is so special to me.

I guess it all started sometime in April of 2009, I had once again started spending time with the 'on-again-off-again', JR. One night I couldn't sleep, and was up tossing & turning. There were these lyrics running through my head over & over again, "Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love; here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above." The next morning I thought it was weird but just brushed it off.
That night at Bible study as soon as I heard that familiar tune start up, I couldn't believe it I had to lean over to my mom and tell her about what had happened the night before. I knew that God was speaking to me, and so I was trying to listen and hear what he had to say to me. I felt inspired and motivated to cling to the Lord... but I was blind to the area where I had been wandering.
A few hours later me and some friends were in my room, and JR started whistling. I'm not lying when I say that my heart nearly stopped when I heard it. "What was that?" I asked. It took him a minute to even realize that he had been whistling, another friend said, "Wasn't that a hymn?" Before any one could say anything I said, "Yes, Come Thou Fount." That's when he realized it too and he said, "Oh yeah, that's really weird... I haven't heard that song in at least 5 years." I had to tell them all about how that song kept coming up in the last 24 hours, I could tell most of them just processed it as something that was neat. But, to me it was so much more.

That day that song became one of my ultimate favorites to me that day. I knew that this song was special... I knew that obviously God wanted to show me something. But it took me way too long to see all that He wanted to show me then.

A few weeks later things became a little bit clearer in a dream I had. (Now, I almost always have crazy dreams, seriously every morning we wake up and I say to Nic, "I have to tell you about my crazy dream." [Most recently I had a dream our baby was on back-order]) I'm not saying I had a vision or anything, but I do know that something deep down inside of me was trying to make me aware of how ridiculous the situation I had put myself into was. In this dream I was giving everyone around little pieces of myself in the form of bubbles, I gave and gave and gave till I had almost nothing left to give.  That's when JR came up, I reached inside and gave him my heart, he tried to resist, but I made him take it. Later in my dream another girl saw it and asked him about it, he told her it was nothing and pushed it to the dark dusty corner under the bed.
I woke up feeling sad, and confused, but I knew I was seeing him that day so I decided just to bring up then and see what he had to say. That day he told me he was choosing to date the other girl-not me. I slapped him, he cried, I told him about my dream, and I cried.

Like I said, hindsight really is 20/20. It's so obvious to see now what I had been blind to then. I was wondering from God and all He wanted for my life, I had been trying to give my heart to someone who didn't deserve it instead of just giving it to the Lord to keep and protect.

So the question now is, what is God trying to show me this time?

12/31/10 in my notes I wrote, "For a believer, If God is not in His proper place we will continue to fell a mourning and desire to have Him back. Weekly or even daily is not often enough to meet with God and make sure He is in His place. God doesn't move- we move away from Him."

"So be very careful to love the Lord your God." Joshua 23:1

01/16/11- "Where do you leave grooves? On the floor from your knees (in prayer)? Or somewhere else? That is where your devotion lies."
01/19/11- "To lead your children in a spiritual life you have to get rid of any idol you may have. Don't let anything rival God for your affection. It has to be a conscience decision-today and every day to come."

I'll admit there's more I could add, but I'll leave it that. Sometimes it's hard to see just how easy it is to see what we need to see. (I really hope that made sense.)
I know where I'm lacking, from where I've wondered-it's hard to admit but I'd rather admit it and grow closer to Him, then to ignore it and stay far away.

This is only the beginning.