Saturday, March 26, 2011

Baby Boy-One Month

 
Our beautiful baby boy Asher is one whole month old.

We got pics taken by Elisabeth Kate Photography, when he was 3 weeks. She's the same photographer that did our maternity pics, and once again she did such an awesome job!

This suitcase belonged to my great-grandmother who passed away last November.

I'm in love with those blue eyes.









"Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful boy"

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Little Livy





It's been 6 months since we've seen her.



A little over a year ago she became part of my life.



18 months ago she was born.



& now she's such a beautiful smart toddler!




"To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
No, no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up"





"You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His"



"I pray she finds your light
And holds it in her heart
As darkness falls each night
Remind her where you are

Guide her with your grace
Give her faith so she'll be safe"


We Love you! Can't wait to see you! <3
 

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Forgiveness

"Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord,how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." Matthew 18:21-22

You think we should fit a certain mold,
so you don't give us support.
You show us love-but it's always cold,
is this the way it should be?

Those things you say-the things you do,
every little bit hurts more and more.
I've been told this is nothing new,
but we keep hoping for things to change.
We have learned how to forgive you,
& each time we hope it is the last.



7X70 by Chris August
"I lost count of the ways you let me down
But no matter how many times you weren’t around-I’m all right now
God picked up my heart and helped me through
And shined a light on the one thing left to do
And that’s forgive you-I forgive you!"

Monday, March 14, 2011

100

 This is officially my 100th blog post :) It seems like a big deal to me, so I went back and was reading through some of my old posts from the last year and half-ish. & then I went back and read my old blog on myspace, I didn't post very often on it, but the stuff I did post I'm proud of. Looking back I may think I was being ridiculously silly for feeling and saying some of those things. But I was always honest.
I was complimented on my blog at church on Sunday, she told me I had a real gift for writing.
I'll be honest-it made my day. I try to take great pride in my writing, I used to think of myself as a writer... I had a way of turning words into something beautiful I wrote how I was feeling in a way that was creative but raw. My creative writing teacher from high school really helped me sharpen the way I wrote.  I used to constantly write poetry (that was full of teenage angst), short stories, & I even attempted to write something like a novel. That's all I ever wanted to do with my life-write & teach others to write.
I feel like lately my writing seems to avoid going anywhere too real. I'm all too aware of the fact that people actually read this blog, when it started out no one read it-but me. So the blog tends to avoid a lot of things out of fear of who might read it and what they might think. I have my journal that I try to write in often, I write much more honestly & personally there. & in all reality my journal seems to have the same song being played over & over, it makes me feel like a broken record-but at least its real. This blog will never get quite as personal as my journal, (but that's why I have my journal to write down anything & everything I deem important.) But I want to bring some of that honesty back to my writing that is public. I don't expect my writing to look too much differently but I want my intentions to be focused on being real instead of on who I think people expect me to be.

I feel empowered. I'm not going to be afraid of you anymore. I know exactly what I want to write about first. :)

Saturday, March 12, 2011

I See The Best of Me Inside Your Eyes



Our precious little boy is already two weeks old :] He weighs 8lbs 15oz, & he's 21 3/4 inches. He's just chugging right along with his development & we couldn't be more proud. He got circumcised at his two week appointment & so the last two days haven't been very fun. He's just much more fussy than usual, if he isn't sleeping he has to be held and rocked. I feel so bad for my little guy but I know his discomfort will be over in just a few days.



Nic had to do a double clinic shift which means he left @ 6:30 this morning, came home in the afternoon for a couple hours and took a nap, & he won't be home till 10:30. I've had our sad fussy boy all to myself all day, & I babysat Peanut for a couple hours. It's been a stressful day to say the least. I'm still adjusting to being mommy... becoming a wife was a pretty easy transition but going from being pregnant to having a baby has been a huge change for me. Luckily Asher sleeps well at night I only have to get up 2 or 3 times a night and only for about a half hour. I don't usually feel too exhausted, it's only caught up to me a few times.


But for this guy... it's all worth it. He makes such funny faces-he has my pouty face with his bottom lip protruding, it's so sad but so cute! He's a little space-heater just like Nic. 9 times out of 10 he'll be sleeping on his side, we lay him on his back & he'll roll over to his side, and he makes squeaky noises in his sleep (he totally gets that from me) We're just having lots of fun getting to know our baby.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Birth Story

"A woman, when she is in labor, has sorrow because her hour has come; but as soon as she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world." John 16:21

Friday (2/25) when I woke up I was feeling contractions but I figured they were just like ones I had been experiencing the rest of the week. They kept getting stronger and more intense so I decided to take a shower around 2 to see if that would help. It helped with the intensity but they kept coming. I was starting to think that maybe this was the real deal, but I didn't want to get to excited just in case. Nic was at work but he called to check on me and when I told him they were about 5-7 minutes apart he got really anxious and decided to come home. We went for a little walk around the block and kept timing, they were still 5 minutes apart. It was about 5:30 and Nic had to leave for school at 6 so I decided to just take it easy and try and relax since I knew he wouldn't be able to be home till about 9, and my mom was working till at least 8. So my little sister came to be my support and help keep me distracted.

I spent the next few hours just watching videos on Youtube (mostly Simple Plan), and timing my contractions. They stayed pretty consistent of 3-5 minutes apart but they kept getting more and more intense. It was just me, my sister, and our cousin, so I was just trying to be strong and put on a brave face so I didn't freak them out too much. I had to keep changing how I was laying/kneeling, and I could not hold still during a contraction. I started noticing that even in between my lower back was aching so much I could hardly stand.
I called the midwife at 7:45 and she said to time them for one more hour and then it would probably be time to go the hospital. (Luckily Nic was on his way home) In that hour I had a contraction every 3 minutes and they lasted between 1:15-1:45 and one even lasted 4 straight minutes-(which just about killed me). (My friend Bryce had also come over and brought me lots of yummy treats, and when he saw me having contractions he got really freaked out.) When I called the midwife at 8:45 we talked and decided that I needed to go the hospital and see if I could be admitted and she would meet us there. Nic got home a few minutes later and everyone started getting me and all my stuff ready to go. As soon as I saw Nic I started feeling more emotional but I managed to keep it together as he put my shoes on for me and helped me walk out to the car. I could barely stand in between contractions and when I was having one there was no chance, so we had to kinda hurry me out the door. As soon as I was in the car I had a breakdown, Nic asked me if I was okay, and I was just crying and I said, "I was doing so good at being tough, but I know that with you I don't have to be tough... It hurts so bad!" He kissed me, apologized for the pain, and asked me if I would think about getting an epidural. I told him if I was only dilated to a 4 or 5 I would get one but if I was more then I could probably handle it.

We got to the hospital at 9:10 and met my mom there, kept rubbing my back during contractions trying to help soothe some of the aches and pains. When they checked I was dilated to 3 and 100% effaced. I was so upset when they said I was only at a 3! That's where I was the morning before at my appointment, I felt like I made no progress and that I was just being crazy, and I started to worry that they would try to send me home. Luckily (kind of) they determined that I was having intense back labor and decided to admit me.
When we got to the room, I was seriously acting like I was possessed or something. I was practically yelling at one nurse who was trying to do some leg push thing that is supposed to help with back labor. & I could barely hold still enough to get my IV put in, I was just writhing and crying. "Why would anyone ever want babies?!?" "This is the worst day of my life!" etc... Nic was being so incredibly good to me, he was supportive and patient through all my madness. The nurse could tell I was getting pushed farther and farther emotionally & physically, and she asked, "Do you want an epidural?" & at that point knowing I still had so much more to go, I decided to get one. I told the nurse I was sorry and that it was my first time as a hospital patient, so I was incredibly nervous about everything and didn't know what to expect. I had three contractions when they were getting ready/putting in the epidural in, & I managed to be tough for them all & hold completely still. After that things were so much better for me.


I got my epidural at 10:04 and by 10:30 I was dilated to a 5, which is when they broke my water. After that things went so smoothly. Once the pain from the back labor was gone and my body was able to relax things really started progressing. 10:46 I was at a 6, 11:49 I was at a 7+.  After that they had me try and get some sleep since it was the middle of the night and I had a lot of work to do pretty soon. I tried but, I really couldn't sleep I was way too anxious. At 1:47 am I was fully dilated and baby was in position, so they decided to let my body work just a little while longer before we started pushing.
I could feel all the pressure from the contractions and from him starting to descend. That last hour I was getting so nervous my entire body was shaking, my teeth were chattering. Nic was so good at helping me stay relaxed and breathing. They had told me that for a first time mom it's pretty normal for pushing to last about 1.5 hours, & I knew there was no way I could push hard for that long.
I began pushing at 2:52. Nic and my mom helped hold my legs, my sister & cousin watched from above my head, and Bryce stayed in the room but he really didn't want to see anything. It was hard work because I was so tired physically and emotionally, but Nic would give me my water and kisses on my forehead, the encouragement I got from him and my mom really helped me to keep going. After a few sets of pushing I was starting to get exhausted so in between each set I would just close my eyes and take long deep breaths, I just became so centered on finding strength, that a few times I seriously almost fell asleep. But at point that wasn't enough, his head had passed under my pubic bone and he was just about to start crowning but I was so exhausted, and the pressure & the little bit of pain I could feel, made me have a little breakdown. I told them all I couldn't do it, it hurt and I was tired. Nic looked me in the eyes and said, he's right there Jordyn you're doing so good just a little bit more. The midwife could tell I was pretty much in panic mode, and she had the nurse grab a mirror. Beforehand I had read that you could request a mirror to watch and help keep yourself motivated and what-not, but the whole idea grossed me out, why would I want to see that?? But when they brought it in and I pretty much had no choice but to look, it helped me so much! I could see his head, all it took was two more pushes and he was out. It was so weird to see, but also so neat for me to be able to see him along with my mom and Nic. He was born officially at 3:23, just a little over a half hour of pushing.


They kinda cleaned him off real fast and then laid him right on my chest. He was so warm, and I immediately felt so many overflowing emotions, I began bawling. I didn't touch him right away because it still hadn't set in that he was real. My mom said, "Jordyn that's your baby." which made me cried more, and I looked up at Nic who just smiled and said "You did a good job". He is so strong that he was picking his head up like he was trying to look around at me and everyone else. I just held my little Asher as I was crying, I'm pretty sure the first thing I said was, "He's still a boy right?" haha... Later Nic said "you're so lucky, you have a perfect puppy, and now you have a perfect baby" without missing a beat I just said, "and a perfect husband." The midwife had us feel the pulse in the umbilical cord before Nic cut it, it was wet and warm and weird. I ended getting a second-degree tear and had to get stitches, (my first ones ever!)
After I had calmed down I just held him and looked at him. I had told everyone that if he was a funny little alien baby that it would be okay to tell me, and my sister & cousin just said, "we would tell you if he was weird looking, but he's not... he's so cute!" I was so happy! Nic got to hold him and it was such an awesome moment to see my two boys together, Nic had been waiting for so long just to meet Asher.


He kinda got passed around for a little bit, then they gave him back to me so we could start nursing. & when I was looking at him again I realized how much he looks like baby Olivia :)





The midwife told me that she just wanted to make sure I knew that I didn't get one drop pitocin, that all of it was all me. She said that a lot of times when women get epidurals their bodies get so relaxed that labor will slow way down or sometimes almost stop completely, but she said that I was having really hard labor-which in all honesty made me feel so good about my decision to get an epidural. I'm so glad that my baby Asher was born totally healthy, he's so big and strong. So even though I had planned and desired to do it naturally I don't feel any regret for getting the epidural. Because of everything that was happening that was the only way my body was going to relax enough to dilate and have a baby. I still plan on doing it naturally when we have our next baby, we'll just see how it goes then.


All the help we got from everyone at the hospital was nice, but we couldn't wait to go home. So we got all packed up & discharged Sunday night. As we were driving home we were just talking, & I think it hit us both at the same time-we were taking our baby to our home. I told Nic it just made it even more real, & he was saying that it wasn't just us talking about someday having a baby & coming home from the hospital but that we were really doing it. I still can't believe that I'm a mom, that I helped create someone so wonderful.



Oh yeah last thing. Nic told me that I did such a good job, & I said I didn't do it alone his response: "I just gave you the colors & you painted the picture." haha it made me laugh so hard!

<3

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Asher Ryan :]

So he finally made his big debut, & right on time too.
Asher Ryan Farish was born on Februrary 26th (his due date) @ 3:23 am.
He was 7lbs. 13.6oz. & 21 inches.
He is so much more perfect than I ever could have imagined. We've had no problems, he's totally healthy, and sleeps & eats very well.



I'm working on getting the birth story (and more pics) posted because I think they are fun to read, but I figured I should post a little something while I have the time and energy.