I got my wisdom teeth out last week, in addition to some other dental work I needed. Nic was very helpful taking care me and the baby while I was totally out of it. I recovered fairly quickly, but feeling sore and having those oh so cute chipmunk cheeks were not so wonderful.
I'm just adjusting to this whole new life of being a mom & some days are easier than others. He is dependent on me 24 hours a day, and sometimes it's just exhausting (physically & emotionally). Things in my life are so much different now, I'm having to be okay eating everything lukewarm because most of the time he decides he is hungry when it is time for me to eat. The older he gets the easier things seem to be. He no longer insists on being held constantly, and is quite content being in his swing if I need to be doing something like laundry.
I'm not complaining and wouldn't change who is or when he came into our lives. It's just taking time to adjust to how different things are now, and I'm sure anyone who's ever had a newborn would agree with me. Buy I love this boogaboo so much that it all pays off-totally worth it.
|4 weeks old.|
It's just hard because I don't exactly feel like myself anymore. I had gotten used to my pregnant body and everything that came with it, and I think that is largely due to the fact that I knew it was only temporary and soon I have the cutest little boy. The truth is I am an incredibly impatient person, and the fact that I gave birth almost 8 weeks ago and I'm not completely back to my pre-pregnancy self is frustrating.
But instead of dwelling on all those itty-bitty things that tend to bother me-I've decided I need to take control. I've always felt that confidence is choice, you can be happy with who with you are or you can be upset about everything little thing. & I know that when I let too much get under skin that it affects my marriage in a not so great way.
In all reality I look pretty great for having a baby recently. It was a very slow and long process to get my body, & Asher's little body to where they were when I gave birth. So just like it's going to take him awhile to learn how to do all the fun things he can with his new body, I'm learning to love and embrace the fact that I am a completely different person now.
I've started taking Asher on walks, which is so fun. It's exercise that I need, and it gets him outside. I want him to grow up loving the outdoors.
I got my hair done last week, and it's lighter than it has ever been. I love it! I was so nervous to see how it would turn out but it's lovely.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though I was feeling like I was being attacked and scrutinized from others & myself, I'm not letting it bother me anymore. I'm confident in who I am, what I look like, what I write, and how I feel. I can't stop others from judging me, but I can stop myself. I may be a new mom but I can't let that label define me because in addition to that I am so much more. So a big part of the adjusting is figuring out how that new part of me fits in with all the old parts so that I can find harmony.
I'm getting there.
|4 weeks old. Just finding his smile.|
I am so blessed. & sometimes I feel guilty that maybe I'm not grateful enough for all that my little son is. Because sometimes it is hard, I do great frustrated & then I take it out on Nic which makes me feel even more guilty... But this past week, after a huge emotional breakdown, Nic help me so much. He helped me validate my feelings and feel normal. He said something to the effect of, "Every mother has hard times... except for maybe V. You have no reason to feel guilty." I know that I love Asher, and I do everything I can for him. I just need to remember the big picture.
We had such a wonderful weekend. Both Good Friday & Easter Sunday service were so good!
My cousin got to be a part of this 'Everything' skit. Seriously seeing it live made me so emotional.
Christ died & rose again, because He loves me so much, He wants to spend eternity with me. He loves my husband, and son just as much & He has trusted me to help love & care for them.
He knows I'm not a bad wife or mommy. I just need to remember-our lives are in much bigger hands than our own.