Wednesday, May 11, 2011

There's a first for everything

Earlier this week I was so blessed with the celebration of my first mother's day. 

This was actually the week before.

I woke up on Sunday excited, my baby was happy, and I was gonna get to see some of my oldest and dearest friends. We got to church I got a chocolate, a hug, and a "Happy mother's day!" That moment I felt a tinge in my heart, and some moisture in my eyes...
I don't know what brought it on but I started feeling guilty.
I thought about the people I know who struggle with getting and staying pregnant. The ones in happy healthy marriages with stable homes, just yearning for a little one to call their own.
I thought about the birthmothers I know. They were able to have a baby only to break their own heart to give their baby something more than what they could.
I thought about those who have lost their mothers. They get to see everyone else loving their mommas, and remember how much they their own.
Why did I get to have this wonderful baby boy? We weren't trying or planning on becoming pregnant so soon... Why was I blessed this early in my life? & have the most wonderful and supportive mom, she's my best friend and we just continue to grow closer and closer.

I just hugged my precious boy and held back tears. But then I realized I was being close-minded, ignorant even. Many of the people I was thinking about were able find joy and peace amidst the fact they may have been hurting. I had no reason to feel guilty. I was in no way the only one who was blessed.

My aunt was able to celebrate her first mother's day with "earthly, legal children to call me mom" In the last year her and my uncle adopted two beautiful children, and were able to have a biological son. She still had the hurt left over from her late-term miscarriage, but she also acknowledged her happiness.

My cousin after many years of struggling with infertility have begun the process of adopting the most adorable  little girl. Its so obvious that all along she was meant to be their daughter, they just had to wait for her. Just hearing that little voice call her "mommy" is enough to make anyone smile.

It's never easy to lose a parent but for my dear Brycee it happened way too early when he was barely a teenager. Mother's Day is always hard for him, having the unconditional from my mom helps in a way. It doesn't make everything all better, but he was still able to smile.

Our pastor said something that day, I can't remember what is was exactly... But he was talking about people for whom Mother's Day holds pain. Maybe they feel ripped off for one of the reasons I've listed above, or they had a mother who was never a very good, or any other reason. & he said something to effect of  "We are blessed with a mother who cared enough to carry us and keep us safe for 9 month. Whatever role that woman plays in your life now, you can at the very least celebrate that fact."

I don't know I felt like I shouldn't be happy at all that have, or why I just kept thinking I didn't deserve my son or my mother. But as the day went on my view changed and I realized the Lord wants me to rejoice in His blessings. He wants me to express joy and gratitude for all that he has given me, whether I deserve it or not doesn't matter. He gave me my son, and for that I am eternally grateful.

1 comment:

  1. Asher is beautiful! Ofcourse you know that already :) You are amazing and both of your boys are lucky to have you!