2 or so weeks ago, I was feeling so on top of the world. I felt God was going to use me in a lot of amazing ways. I had mended bridges with someone who I've had some rough patches with. Oh I was so full of love, full of light, & I just wanted to share it with the whole world. I had just told Nic that as far as my self-esteem went, I had finally reached the point where I was happy with how I look the majority of the time, for the first time since Asher was born. I was vibrant and beaming with joy.
Then it feels like overnight, bam! everything changed. Suddenly I was so down on myself, I felt fat, ugly, stupid, unoriginal, annoying... the works. I was being overly-emotional towards Nic, I was finding myself feeling jealous over very silly things.
So one night I cuddled up to Nic, and just flat out told him I needed him. I just cried and told him what was going on. He just sort of laughed at me, and then guided me through things I already knew, but I was too twisted up with lies to see it.
God does want to use me for His will, He knows I am a beautiful, and worth so much more than rubies. & most importantly He died for me, to him I am worth it all-His life.
We had actually just talked about this at Bible study, 'Enemies of the Christian Life'. So I'll just share a few of my notes here, in case anyone is going through a similar situation.
It was a two part sermon, and if you want to listen to it yourself here are the links.
According to James 4:1-7 there are 3 enemies of the Christian life.
Our Flesh: Attacked through ourselves. We cause many of our own problems. Our lust, pride, selfishness, self-condemnation, etc.. We have to go back to the cross again and again and again to put the flesh to death daily.
Different sins have different consequences, the only sin that is directly against our soul is sexual immorality. Every time you give in, you lose a part of your soul, part of who you are. You become less than what God has intended us to be. But, the good news is we have a Lord and Savior who died to forgive us so that we might have full restoration through Him.
The World: Society, culture, the world system. The world is contrary to God's way. The world wants to change the way we see things. The world lies under the sway of the devil. When it comes to any issue we should look at what God's word has to say about it, not seek the counsel of men.
Devil: He is a master deceiver using bits and pieces of truth and twisting them, he uses fear, doubt confusion, false appearance (what he makes you see/feel), division, temptation-it all comes back to taking everything and nailing us with condemnation.
Satan is the one who condemns and holds it all against us. God forgives, He is big enough to forgive anything.
Satan wants people to believe that God either can't or won't forgive us, as if He isn't big enough or good enough. (Part of being a Christian is forgiving others, because we have been forgiven of much..)
Anything that we believe that we can do to add to or take away from the cross comes from Satan. Satan wants us to settle for what is 'good', while God wants to give us the best.
God can (and will) forgive us of any sin, even when we are our own biggest condemer and we feel we dotn't deserve forgiveness.
How to have victory over our enemies- "Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." James 4:7 We fear NO enemy because we trust God.
When we become disconnected from God, the enemy will try and feed us lies. We will be led to believe that have very far to go to get back to the Lord. But the beauty of it is, we have a Lord who stays right there waiting for us to turn around- & turn to him. And immediately we are back with Him, and that bond will grow strong once again.
These are just the main points that really stuck out to me. I'm probably gonna post some notes from a few other sermons, just because the Lord is answering my prayers so loud and clear right now.