Thursday, November 10, 2011
"I was raised in a very strict home where I was not allowed to date much except for school dances and on very rare instances. With that, I felt as though, I wanted to experience autonomy away from my parents. In the summer of 1989, I decided to join the United States Army National Guard. One week after I graduated high school, I left for training for 4 and half long months. When I returned, I had a small scholarship set up at a local university. I immediately started attending school in the fall of 1990. While at school, as well as in the military, I started feeling more confident. I also started experiencing a lot more attention from the opposite sex. While at the university, an attractive male football player befriended me and asked me to come over to his place and “study” with him. Needless to say, this was unwise for me to do, but I agreed to do it. I was very naive and went to his place, liking the attention he gave me, but it soon turned out to be attention I did not ask for. I was raped by this man. After this occurred, I felt my life was over, since I had wanted to remain pure before marriage. After this event, I felt lost in what I was supposed to be and how I was supposed to act or what to expect for myself in relationships with other men. Not long after I had been raped, I met another man who was seven years older than me. He and I started to go out on dates and next thing you know, I would say he was my boyfriend and we were having sex regularly. I had recently moved out from my parent’s home in with a roommate who with I shared an apartment. She and I did not have the rules or boundaries I had grown up with. We had no accountability with each-other. We simply shared an apartment.
This gave me more perceived freedom to live as I chose with this boyfriend. My boyfriend was not faithful to me. I considered marrying him, despite his unfaithfulness, but he was not invested in me. He would just keep me strung along for his convenience. When we would meet, we always hoped that we would not get pregnant. He and I talked about having an abortion if I ever did. This made sense since it was my body. I felt like I could do what I wanted with it. I also thought to myself, that getting pregnant could not happen to me. I was wrong.
December 2, 1991, I went to the doctor and discovered I was pregnant. I was only nineteen and so I was a very fearful and confused about what to do with this unplanned pregnancy. I drank alcohol in the first trimester of my pregnancy. My boyfriend and I had a family history of congenital defects. Since I worked with my boyfriend who was senior in rank to me and the doctor was an Army doctor on post, the leadership soon found out that we were pregnant and asked me what I was planning on doing with the pregnancy. I was shocked about the very fact that I was pregnant, let alone, what was I going to do now. My boyfriend and I were told that since our relationship was inappropriate, we would be asked to leave our jobs. That evening, we drove around in my car sad about the job and pregnancy so we went to a movie. After this movie, my boyfriend wrecked my car. Also, on the same night, my morning sickness started. I could not stop throwing up. My boyfriend left me alone this night. That same week I wrecked my car a second time. I still had not told my parents about the pregnancy. My boyfriend strongly encouraged me to have an abortion especially if the baby was a girl.
It was on this night that I was crying my eyes out and really praying for what I felt was one of the first times in my life. I asked God what He would have me do: Have an abortion or what else? Suddenly, I stopped crying and my ears seemed to tune into a song playing on the radio, while alone, I desperately prayed sincerely to God for an answer of what to do. I felt so much pain at that time. I knew God’s response came right then in the form of a song that was playing on my clock radio. I had turned it down earlier that morning, but all of the sudden, it was as if it became louder and I became quieter, stopped crying and God spoke to me. The song that I heard at that moment was called “Miracle.” The following excerpt of lyrics were to me God’s answer to the predicament I was in. “Nothing should matter- Not when love grows inside you- A voice of love is crying out- Don’t throw love away -There’s a miracle in store.” (Reid, 1990) Indeed, there was a miracle in store for me. I still did not know what I was going to do about being pregnant that day, but I knew that God loved me and my baby. He said no to abortion and so did I. On July 14, 1992, I had a precious baby girl. On July 17, 1992, I placed her with a very loving family who desperately wanted a baby girl. Through the kindness of her family and the blessing of God, I have been involved in her life since she was three months old.
It was not until 1995 that I gave my life to Jesus. He would change my life and my past forever. Jesus showed me the love that only He could give. He showed me that He loved me more than any man ever could. It took several more years and ultimately salvation to change the sinful patterns I had in relationships, but when I became saved, God gave me strength, wisdom and contentment that I did not have before. I prayed for a husband and God answered my prayer in 1998. My husband and I have been married for over 12 years and we have two sons together. God has blessed me by His amazing grace. I consider myself to be very blessed.
My daughter has since graduated high school and is now attending a university. Already she has obtained her certified nursing assistant certificate. She intends to further her education by seeking a degree in pediatric nursing. I am so grateful I chose life. I am so grateful God guided me in placing her in adoption.
To God be the glory,