Saturday, June 1, 2013

Summertime Park Days

Whenever Nic works on Jess Parker is close by to make sure his mama is okay.

Monday, May 13, 2013


Mando teaching Ash how to be a baller

Friday, March 29, 2013

Hello My Name Is...

A couple days ago Nic and I were talking about how I had just been diagnosed with post-partum depression and how we were going to handle it, and make things better. Then I remembered something I had seen earlier that day.

I was telling Nic how I felt that totally described the way I feel in almost all my social interactions. He was telling me I shouldn't worry because everyone has "quirks"...

Then this song came on. We both stopped."Do you love this song? Because I love this song."
There is a clip on the radio of Matthew West talking about the inspiration of this song. A young man wrote him a letter and started it with "hello my name is Jordan and I'm a drug addict", the letter continued to tell how the Lord  got a hold of this man's life, and at the end he says, "hello my name is Jordan and I'm a child of the one true King" I told Nic that was my favorite part, and honestly part of it is because my name is Jordyn too.

We continued to listen to the song, and I suddenly had a moment of intense clarity. I just turned to Nic and said, "That's what I need to remember because then it doesn't matter what other people think."

I've been thinking about that a lot today, Good Friday. It is because of Jesus' sacrifice that I am able to say with confidence, Hello my name is child of the one true King.

Hello, my name is regret
I’m pretty sure we have met
Every single day of your life
I’m the whisper inside
That won’t let you forget
Hello, my name is defeat
I know you recognize me
Just when you think you can win
I’ll drag you right back down again
‘Til you’ve lost all belief
These are the voices, these are the lies
And I have believed them, for the very last time
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free
“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I am no longer defined
By all the wreckage behind
The one who makes all things new
Has proven it’s true
Just take a look at my life
What love the Father has lavished upon us
That we should be called His children
I am a child of the one true King

 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16

Friday, February 15, 2013

Birth Story-Sawyer

38 weeks with Ash & 38 weeks with Sawyer.. The night before I went into labor.
 My labor and delivery with Sawyer was so much different than it was with Asher.

I had been having contractions on and off since Tuesday the 29th. But the closest they got was about 5 minutes, usually 10. I was only 38 weeks and so I was convinced he wasn't coming for a few more weeks. (even though I had been joking with my dad about him being born by the superbowl).

Shortly after waking up Friday morning at about 8:30 I started having contractions that were more intense then the ones earlier in the week. Nic stayed home from work, just in case it was really baby day, and he made us french toast and eggs for breakfast. The contractions  continued through breakfast and when I took a shower. They were about 5 minutes apart, so we decided to go walk around WalMart to help things progress. I texted my sis-in-law on our way there to make sure she could watch Asher if we went to the hospital, that was at 11.

Nic was timing my contractions as we walked and they were consistently 3 minutes apart. He was getting anxious but I insisted on buying new pillow cases and sheets before we left, (something we had been putting off for weeks.) I called my midwives office let them know what was happening and they told me to come in and be checked. So we took Asher to Owen's house, thanked my SIL, and headed to the office. I got emotional on the way there thinking about how that was the last time I saw Asher when he still my only baby, before he became a big brother.

The midwife on call, who I'm not particularly fond of, said I was only a 3 and about 70%. She also said it was possible I wasn't really in labor yet since I was having no problem breathing through my contractions and I was able to joke around in between them. So she sent us home, but said we could go to the hospital at any time if we wanted.

(I was so set on having a natural delivery without an epidural, but I knew that if it came down to me really needing one that I needed Nic to tell me it was okay. After Asher was born I guess I felt like I failed to a degree because I got an epidural. Which is absolutely ridiculous. But I told Nic that no matter what he needed to make sure to tell me he was proud of me.)

Instead of going home we drove to Kohls at about noon to do more walking and hopefully expedite things. I remembered with Asher that once I got past a 3 everything moved much more quickly so I was hoping that would happen again this time. The contractions started to g more intense while we there, and I would have to wrap my arms around Nic's waist and drop my weight, and even swivel my hips. But in between I was still laughing and joking about how crazy I must have looked to all the other customers. A few of the contractions brought me to tears, and as we passed other women they would just give me a knowing look. Because they were closer and more intense we thought it would be a good idea to stop for some lunch and then head to the hospital.

We went to Wendys (& I had the best frosty of my life). The contractions kept more intense, so we were trying to hurry. I was definitely in pain for some of them, so I was rubbing my sides and back which seemed to help for some reason. An older couple across from us obviously knew what was happening and they said, "this is the easy part just wait until they are teenagers!" I laughed but it did not feel like the easy part.

Finally we decided to head to the hospital. The whole way there I was nervous that I hadn't made any progress, or that they would try and send me home again. The contractions were coming at about 1-2 minutes and sitting in the car was doing nothing to help relieve my discomfort. Nic could tell I was in pain, so he asked me if I would like an epidural, I told him no. (Well I kind of yelled it at him, because it was in the middle of a contraction) He told me that he wouldn't ask again, but if I changed my mind it was okay I just needed to let him know.

When we got to the hospital we had to sit in the waiting room for a minute and I told Nic I remebered when I was in labor with Asher I said "Why would anyone ever have two children?!?" and at that moment me from two years ago was kicking myself. I was put in a room to be observed at about 2:30, I texted my mom so she could come help support me. Nic had to leave to check me in, so I was alone for 2 or 3 really intense contractions. They checked and I was a 5 & 100% with a 'bulging bag of waters'. Since it had only been 2.5 hours since I had been checked by my midwife, they told me I was making good progress, but I knew if it continued to take about an hour for each centimeter I would not make it without an epidural. The contractions kept coming one after another, some of them even seemed to come on while the previous one was still happening.

This is where things start to get a little blurry and mixed up for me. So much happened so quickly. My friend Megan came to photograph everything, and shortly after that my mom arrived. I felt a lot of pressure in my hips so Nic and my mom took turns rubbing my low back/hips while I laid on my side. If my mom was rubbing my back then Nic would push up on my knees like the midwife had shown him. I started to cry during some contractions, and I was getting really upset. "This is so stupid! Why does it hurt so bad?" I really felt crazy, like I had no control over my body or my mouth at that point. Everyone was being so great, but I just wanted to have more than 30 seconds in between contractions. They checked me again, and I was at a 7. The nurse asked what I would like to try to help alleviate some pain, since they could take the heart monitor off. I wanted to get in a hot bath, so they filled it up and told me I needed to get out if I felt the urge to push. Nic helped me into the tub, which felt fantastic, and after having two contractions I started feeling a lot of pressure. So the midwife told me I needed to get out. With all the pressure, and the pain from the contractions I started to lose confidence in myself. I was about to cry and I said "I can't do this, it hurts too much, I need an epidural..." My mom, Nic, and the midwife were all offering me encouraging words, telling me I could do it. I felt so bad for Nic and my mom because it has always been their job to protect me, and here I was in pain and there was nothing they could do, and I know it was hard for them. I made it back to the bed, they checked me again and I was at a 9, my midwife told me I could start pushing through contractions. (At some point, I honestly can't remember when, she broke my water and said there was a little bit of meconium in it) I pushed a little during the next contraction, just enough to relieve some pressure. The next contraction hurt so bad, I screamed, grabbed the handles on the bed as tightly as I could, pushed myself up the bed into a kind of squat, and pushed with all my might. "He's almost out, one more push!" So I pushed hard again and he came shooting out, the nurse barely caught him.

They laid him on my chest, and all I could say was, "that was so horrible.." because it truly was. It was intense, but incredible. I cannot believe I did it, I seriously feel like superwoman. After a little over 7 hours of labor, less than an hour at the hospital, and 1.5 pushes my little Sawyer was born. My poor boy was bruised from all the pressure, but other than that he was perfect. Just a tiny bit smaller than Asher, probably because Asher was born at 40 weeks and Sawyer was born at 38 weeks and 3 days. I surprised because he looks so different than Asher, (who looked quite a bit like Olivia), but he looked familiar to me. I even said to Nic, "he looks like someone famous..." nope, he looks like me. (and a bit like an adorable turtle).

His coming home outfit.

Sawyer & Mama
Dada & Sawyer

Tuesday, February 5, 2013


He's Here! 
Sawyer Joshua 
February 1st, 2013

@3.39pm 7lb 11oz & 20.5in 
We are all in love.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Maternity Pictures

These were taken when I was 37 weeks pregnant. Our last pictures as a family of 3.

2011 waiting for Asher Boy
2013 waiting for Mr Sawyer