I've talked before about how the hymn Come Thou Fount is very near and dear to my heart. Once again, just a couple weeks ago, the Lord kept his promise to me and reaffirmed what I always knew through this song. It's in those times when I'm being a stubborn bum that God reaches down, and touches my heart in a way that I can't ignore any longer. When I already know the truth, I know what I need to be doing... but I'm not simply because I don't want to.
In early July Nic and his parents began working to put everything into place for him to attend Dixie State University. It was something we had been talking about for years, but now was the time to get things moving. I felt a mixture of emotions because there was so much unknown, he wasn't enrolled yet, he didn't have job down there yet, and we didn't have anywhere to live yet. So I fought it. and I fought it hard.
I might as well had just stomped my feet and said "I don't wanna!" because I was absolutely acting like a toddler. Change is hard, and change is scary. I was scared to move. I have always lived very close to the same area. I didn't want to move from my family, my friends, my church, from everything that I called home, I didn't want to be all alone.
One Sunday after a particularly bratty weekend I went to church. I was watching the people lead worship and I felt so sad. I didn't want to leave these people. This church was where I got saved almost 6 years ago, it is where I met Nic, Pastor Joe was the one who married us. It is where I got to talk to other moms and know that I wasn't alone in my struggles and triumphs, where my kids had friends and more people that love them than I could ever count. It is where I learned to love coffee, and make a pretty great latte. I watched Asher dance in his first recital, I learned to let my walls down and let people love me. I couldn't imagine leaving this church and I had the thought, "If our new church plays 'Come Thou Fount' on the first week I'll know we belong there." It was a silly passing thought, and next thing I know the guitar player began strumming a familiar tune. I put my head in my hands and began to cry.
"Now my soul can sing a new song, now my heart has found a home, now Your grace is always with me, and I'll never be alone." There it was. There was my answer. My home is not a place but a person, and my church is the entire body of Christ. I will never be alone, not spiritually and not physically. I realized I had been making things so much harder for myself and for my husband, and that I had not been showing him with the respect that I should have.
"But Ruth replied, "Don't ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God." Ruth 1:16
Things have been falling into place and come the end of August we will no longer be residents of Utah County, we now have a place to live in St George, Nic has a job down there, and he is enrolled at Dixie. It's going to be a brand new adventure for our little family.